Got a life, now what?

[97Hope]

Had a pretty great day today, although a little weird. Went to a skeet shoot/barbecue and as I was getting ready, H calls to ask if I have enough shells and told me where to find the extras and what gun would be the best for 'us' to use for that day etc. Told him that I needed to go because I was trying to load the car and he offered to bring the skeet thrower out. To the party. That I didn't know he was planning on attending.

I had put it on my calendar (which he can see. I didn't change it because I'm stubborn and I'm not going to act like we are headed for the big D even if he does!) but I didn't think he was going. He had told me last night that he was coming here to do some work and didn't mention it.

At any rate, I got to the party, was able to eat a little (sad stomach) and he got there and I kind of cycled through the party so I didn't act like we usually do.

These are new-ish friends of ours but very sweet people. I tried very hard to do my own thing, but he acted as if we were there together, for instance, he let me know when he was going over there to get something, or, I'm going home because we need more of x. I told him I was happy to go because I needed a bigger jacket, but he said he would drive. Rode to the house and back with him. Got back and during the skeet shooting he was over-helpful with me. Like he used to be/always is. Like we are an 'us'. As I was making my rounds to leave, I told him goodbye, he started walking me out to the car. A lady I met there stopped me to see if I wanted to go fishing. I said "i'd love to! I'll hang out on the boat and watch you" and we talked about how it hurts my feelings to see fish on the line. (I don't know. I like to eat fish, but I get sad watching them die).

During this convo, the lady asks H if he fishes and they talk about that for a bit. H continues to act like we are this happy couple making plans to get together with new friends.

Anyway, walked me to the car, loaded my things into it for me and he said it was weird because while we didn't necessarily want more kids, it was sad that we could not have any more. ???

He mentioned something about another couple we used to go out with a lot and I said, Oh, I'm going out with them tonight. and he acted surprised and a little sad. Told him I'd let him know and if he wanted to he could join us.

I don't know if I'm doing this "right". He acts like we are totally fine when we go out. As a matter of fact, we have gone out more since BD than before. Dancing, dinners, fund raisers, you name it. And we always have a great time.

Wondering if I should quit going out with him? Do I just live my life and leave him out? It's very counterintuitive to me to leave him out when I want the M to work.

We have had dinner 2 times together since he moved out, but it was because I was already headed out when he was here and he joined me. that was several weeks ago and he has since been a little more distant.

Confusing times.

Did learn that I do so enjoy shooting skeet. I have the setup to do it whenever I want and I'm thrilled to have a GAL activity! I have not been able to find a whole lot that makes me feel good.