I have just finished reading your thread and from what I read, I summed up as follows:-
(i) I think you are one hell of a woman. I think you handle your sitch very, very well my dear. With a WAS constatnly asking those kind of Qs, I myself dont think I can handle them as well as you have. And I am actually learning a lot from your sitch myself.
(ii) your H sounds like one confused guy. Take that to your advantage. As long as he sounds confused that is a good sign. (But only you know for sure to what extent you can tolerate his confusion).
(iii) It is also good that OW is pressuring him. One of this days, she will dig her own grave. A R based on deceit, lie and pressure will not sustain. Though he reperatedly say that OW makes him happy he knows deep in his heart the sitch he is in will not make him happy. My H is the same, he hates hurting people that why he cant let go of OW yet coz OW is playing up to his sympathy. OW is indulging in self pity, neediness etc etc and my consolation is that if my H chooses to be with OW in the end that is his lost.
(iv) I see a lot of R talks, dunno really whether that is good or bad. maybe good that you get to know exactly what he is thinking then can also put forward your p.o.v. Bad that it usually will end up in a circle and will lead nowhere. My H doesnt like to talk R, and I am the one who berings it up most of the time. It kinda drives me crazy coz I want to know what he is thnking and feeling so that I am not in the dark. But sometimes I dont like to hear what he is saying coz it hurts. And most of our R talk will end up making him upset or mad or sometimes just plain pleasant. My only advise is that it is a very delicate situation, you have to play your cards right but at the same time dont want to feel like walking on eggshell. Its tough and I am still doing trial and error.
(v) I am still having trouble detaching. But gets easier with time. I am still thinking about us 24/7, but I dont let his action or reaction affects me like it did previously. When he is angry, I try to see it from his perspective as to why some things angered him. I put myself in his shoes then I can understand why he does/say the things he is doing/saying.I try not let it bother me too much or affects my PMA. It is tough I know.
Love, things are very fragile at the moment. COncentrate on yourself for a moment and do the things you like for a change. Go spoil yourself and dont think too much about the sitch coz you will have a long way more to go and a lot more time to deal with this sitch. Go have a good laugh for a change, or anything. When I am feeling exhausted I just try to go have fun for a few hours coz I know I will still have time later to face the problem.. ok, i leave it at that for a while. Will check in more later. Till then, take care...
Sometimes the very thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see..
