I agree my W is trying her best and is not unkind. Aside from the first few months, when she blamed me for everything and went through her list of grievances dating back two decades ago (which I understand she had to do to justify walking away), she has been very civil.
I had the same experience. Before W left when she was still in a "should I stay or should I go" conversation is when I heard about areas our M was lacking. She was not inaccurate in these conversations, but she wasn't willing to see me work on them either. Once W left is when she relaxed into being kind.
Originally Posted by paco123
Have you ever thought, in a topsy-turvy way, that it would increase the likelihood of "conversion" and reconciliation if our respective Ws were actually more monstrous? I just wonder if it will ever occur to my W that, however civil she is now, her choosing to walk away was the most monstrous betrayal of our wedding vows.
But as Sandi reminds us, the fog descends that blurs our W's judgment. Who knows if this fog will ever lift?
Yes, I do think so the monsters do create conversation and perhaps even a better outcome at R. I certainly couldn't say that for sure, and I refuse to believe that's the only path to R. Maybe it's just that are a greater number of monstering WAWs so therefore it looks like a greater number of them end up with a potential R. Who knows.
