H just left. He spent about 2 1/2 hours here. Here's a short summary.....
We did some business. Discussed taxes and had some stuff from his parents estate we needed to work on with the bank.
Then, we were just chatting about his gigs, the gym, whatever. I DID ask about a potential trip with OW. Asked about his passport. He said he had no trips planned, that he just wanted his passport. I told him it's o.k. if he can feel free to be honest about any trips with her. He continued to deny. Not sure I believe him, but it was o.k. It opened the door to discuss his situation a little further.
I told him that I hoped she made him happy. I don't really hope that, and not sure why that came out, but there it is. He broke down a bit. Said he was in a mine field and if I asked him what he wanted from hour to hour it would change. Said (again!) he was so damaged. He mentioned his gun. Said "that's why I still have the gun, and didn't give it to you". I asked what I was suppose to say to that. He didn't say anything. I didn't feed into it. Plead with him, or anything like that. Just let it go. I did say I that I could see he was in a lot of turmoil and was sorry about that. He told me he was keeping OW "at a distance". When he was with her 1 1/2 years ago, she threatened to tell the kids to push him to making a decision. I hope that isn't going to happen. We even discussed about his next move after his lease is up at the end of April. He said he hasn't done anything about that, but he did say he is liking his own space and learning to do things for himself, and spends a lot of time alone.
There was a lot more. It wasn't argumentative, or strained. After our talk, he asked if we could have a drink together. We sat another 45 min - 1 hour with our cocktails just chatting about regular stuff. It reminded me of the great companionship we have --- and obviously still have.
So, I know I broke many DBing rules today. But you know what? I feel more peaceful. I'm not sure why, but I'm o.k. At least for now. A girlfriend called me when H arrived, and I chatted with her for awhile after he left. She's on her way here (about 6 - 7 drive) to stay overnight with her son. She wants to try to see me tonight or tomorrow morning before she goes back. She helped me through a rough patch 8 years ago, and just came back into my life when this all started about 6 months ago. I love how that happens! The distractions and people you love pop up at the right times.
