update: we didn't get to go for our normal Saturday morning walk because ds1's job interview went on for ages and dh took him there. We went to the pub for lunch with the kids and played cards and that was a lot of fun. Then we went for a walk by ourselves round one of our usual places, that was fine though dh seemed tired and grumpy and a bit snappy. It was all just like before he left, very strange really. Sometimes I think what is the point of all this pain and upheaval just for him to see us all slightly less and not share a house at night. It's like it was being married before only with more distance and no sex. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with dh but I have plenty of friends and if he wasn't about I would just get more and get out and GAL a lot more. At the moment he just gets in the way of that.
I feel a bit despondent. I don't want a semi-detached marriage. I want an intimate, close marriage, and it feels like that is such a long way away when dh won't discuss anything vaguely personal, won't discuss summer holiday plans or future plans. He's still keeping me at arm's length and I've had enough of it. I think I'm giving him till May and if things don't move more in the right direction by then I will start pushing it, because if things aren't better by then maybe he's not capable of committing to me and I'd be better off without him.
Anyway, I'm off to do more work, my deadline next week is looming and I'm off for the morning running with friends tomorrow.
