Quote: I think I will have the talk with him first, and then start acting on it. I can't use our son as the excuse, because if we divorce, he will be staying with my H. He is actually his nephew, we have custody of him, and have been raising him together for the past 5 years. (he is 8 now).
I didn't mean to imlie you use son as and excuees but as motavtin. I didn't know son was nephew. It is a really great thing that you have done to take him in and treat him like your son. With show him that kinda of love it will leave a great imprint on him when he is older. It takes a reealy speial person to do that.
Quote: He went to the doctor yesterday, the doctor changed his anti-depression medication. I know that depression has a lot to do with our problems, it causes him to focus on the negative and feel that he is doomed, that nothing good ever happens to him etc.. he said that he has been falling out of love with me for the past year - the same time he became depressed and started meds - coincidence? maybe, maybe not. He said that it dulled his emotions and he felt numb. Hopefully this AD will be better for him, maybe the old H will start coming back and he will realize that his future with OW is just a fantasy. Then again, it could be worse, there is no telling how it will affect his mind.
Maybe the depression and meds, where to blame, with a little help form both of you. (I know that with looking back on my M. I can see where I pushed my H away. When I try to talk to my friends they think I am taking the blame. But it's not a blame game, becuase every one has a hand in it. the wife the H and the Ow. Some just have a bigger hand then others) It's a good thing the Doc. sees that the meds arin't work and maybe the new one will. Like you told me it's okay to hope just to get to exiated.
Quote: know he will try to convince me to continue to pay for the house for our son, even if I leave. Initially, when I found out about A, he said we should only get separated, cause if we divorce we will have to divide the assets and sell the house etc...also, it will leave the door open for our reconciliation. He also said that it is equity for me, that it isn't a sacrifice for me, that we should try to disrupt our son's life as little as possible. I agreed, then he said that we can both live in the same house, and still be separated. I said okay. But now OW is starting to pressure him because we live together. I think he will ask me to leave but continue our arrangement. What can I say to him that doesn't make me sound like I am forcing him to choose me, or being selfish to our son:
- if I tell him that the only way I am leaving is if he divorces me, he will say no to divorce cause then we have to sell the house. Then he will say that I am blackmailing him into staying with me.
- He will argue that I can leave and go live with my parents, but still pay the house for our son - if I say no, he will say I am just being selfish. What can I say??
I wouldn't be the one to keave. In my oppion. If you left and paid for everything just for your son then you wouldn't have a chance to start a new life. I would tell H (if he brings it up, and ask you way you won't leave.) Tell him that it is not fair to think you will take care of everything for him and put your life on hold because he wants to have Ow and a life with out you. If he wants a life with out you then it is only fair that you start a new life. (you need to phrase that better it don't sound right like that but I don't know how to soften it up.)It is olny fair that if H wants the big D that he is willing to lose a few things. Mainly you wich in my opoin should be more imporant then house and other things. But he needs to see that things can't stay the same. and that some things will be lost if the D happens.
I wished I knew something at least a little cheerfull to replay but I don't. Maybe you just need a little time see if the new meds are going to work. I would try to stay away form any major talk until the new mwds have a chance.
