DNJ and Peace have given you great advice. The meeting with the lawyer and then setting up a test for STD's isn't fun and I know all of this just brings everything back to the forefront for you. Your anxiety and fears are testing your mettle and I know from your postings that you are a very strong woman.
As for detaching, it takes time and patience and it's not for saving your marriage or convincing your h to return home, but for you. It's a tool that helps you to move forward and learn how not to over react to his behavior or to the behavior of others. If you have time, go back and re-read the detachment thread. We all read the self help threads once and nod our heads, but we need to revisit them often because each time that we do, we discover something new and have "aha! moments".
I wouldn't ask him about the passport or the trip. What will you gain from asking? He may or may not be truthful and the less you ask him about his personal life right now, the better. If he thinks you are curious about his life, he will know that you are right where he left you. You want him to see your actions of moving forward and rediscovering yourself. You want him to be curious about you....not the other way around.
As for discussing divorce w/him, he doesn't give me the impression that he's ready to cut the ties. If your marriage was a sham, you would have known it long ago. You have children that are proof of what was a happy marriage until the bomb dropped on the family. Do not allow your anxiety and fear rewrite your marriage. Focus on the positives because each marriage had flaws and we learned to work them out or around them.
As for making decisions, it is best to do it when you are calm and not anxious or angry. Sit quietly, the answers will come. Just because you "feel" something, doesn't mean it is always right. You have to truly "think" about what you want and how to go about finding that inner peace for yourself. As stated previously, feelings come and go and there will moments of ups and downs and all arounds, but at the end of the day, you are still standing, surviving and moving forward.
You will know, if and when, it is time to call it quits, but I do not think it's any time soon. Allow those "feelings" to wash over you and then release them. Yes, they will give you drive you nuts, but once you recognize them for what they are, you will overcome them.
Grace, breathe! Try to remain calm and focused when meeting w/your h to discuss the taxes. Keep the focus on you and your kids. Allow God to work on this man because he is a broken man at the moment and you cannot rationalize the irrational. Stay positive and stay strong!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
