kitkat, I like your idea about putting a plan in action.
But I am waiting for him to start backing away from me first,
Or make comments about us divorcing again. He is starting to say we shouldn't be doing this, we shouldn't be doing that etc... cause we are separated. He did this before, tried to back off, but then couldn't.
I think I will have the talk with him first, and then start acting on it. I can't use our son as the excuse, because if we divorce, he will be staying with my H. He is actually his nephew, we have custody of him, and have been raising him together for the past 5 years. (he is 8 now).
He went to the doctor yesterday, the doctor changed his anti-depression medication. I know that depression has a lot to do with our problems, it causes him to focus on the negative and feel that he is doomed, that nothing good ever happens to him etc.. he said that he has been falling out of love with me for the past year - the same time he became depressed and started meds - coincidence? maybe, maybe not. He said that it dulled his emotions and he felt numb.
Hopefully this AD will be better for him, maybe the old H will start coming back and he will realize that his future with OW is just a fantasy. Then again, it could be worse, there is no telling how it will affect his mind.
Yesterday his mom told him that she thinks that he doesn't want to live with us anymore and she is sad. He told her
that he will never leave her or our son. (no mention of me though...) She then said that she doesn't want me to leave either, that she considers me part of her family. He said,
that if I want to leave he can't stop me. No mention of his plans to get an apartment or move out etc...
I know he is lying to her because he doesn't want to upset her, or get her involved in our problems. But I don't know how much of what he is saying is true or not. I do know that he won't leave, he is expecting me to. That will not happen, if he wants to end our relationship, then he will have to part with all the things our relationship created together, including our home, car, etc... He can't afford these things on his own and if he expects me to leave but still pay for everything he is crazy.
I know he will try to convince me to continue to pay for the house for our son, even if I leave. Initially, when I found out about A, he said we should only get separated, cause if we divorce we will have to divide the assets and sell the house etc...also, it will leave the door open for our reconciliation. He also said that it is equity for me, that it isn't a sacrifice for me, that we should try to disrupt our son's life as little as possible. I agreed, then he said that we can both live in the same house, and still be separated. I said okay. But now OW is starting to pressure him because we live together. I think he will ask me to leave but continue our arrangement. What can I say to him that doesn't make me sound like I am forcing him to choose me, or being selfish to our son:
- if I tell him that the only way I am leaving is if he divorces me, he will say no to divorce cause then we have to sell the house. Then he will say that I am blackmailing him into staying with me.
- He will argue that I can leave and go live with my parents, but still pay the house for our son - if I say no, he will say I am just being selfish. What can I say??
