It's all about control whilst he stuffs himself full of cake. He's let you down in terms of looking after the kids to let you have some time away. Are you surprised, really? You are still expecting your old H to miraculously return; but looking at things you have previously posted, he's not been that person in a long time. Was he ever really that person? You are still looking to fix and control his return; if I do x, he may do Y. Stop having expectations and trying to fix him.
I can see you blaming yourself; I didn't do this and that's why he feels like that. So what? It's done and can't be undone. It is over. There can be a new marriage IF it is what you are both prepared to work on.
Until he's ready to say that you both did things wrong and let's make sure it isn't like that in the future, you're just going to keep thumping into that brick wall. And getting hurt.
The work is just an excuse. When it 's finished he may put as much effort into his M as he has into his work. But Alison is not going to sit around and run her life solely according to his wants, desires and timetables. He won't forget where you are if he has an epiphany. If he wants to start this M afresh he will show you LOUD and CLEAR.
So, go on your trip and sort something else out for the kids. Friends, parents, godparents, friends from school, you will find people prepared to help.
Sorry to be blunt but if he'd died then what would you have done?
