I know it has a finality to it, but in reality, what difference to the way you are living your life today would a D make? You would still be focusing on yourself and trying to make a life for yourself. This doesn't change that.
I asked myself a long time ago would it make any difference to how I lived my life if I knew 100% that he would be back in a year or if I knew 100% that we would be D in a year, and the answer was no. I would still be doing exactly the same things. I would be going to the gym, fostering friendships with women, going out for drinks with work mates, and trying to find out who I am. My desire to find myself is not, and should not, be linked to the decisions my H makes about his future.
Originally Posted by Yail
I don't know where the story goes from here, so I keep that in mind too. There are so many situations on the board that were exactly where I am now and they turn around for the better in a myriad of ways. I still want it to turn around in a very *specific* way that involves reconciling. I haven't moved past that, and I'm not pushing myself to.
I get this. I see others who came after me moving past their spouses in positive ways. I am not there. Maybe it's me, maybe it's my sitch, maybe it's because my H keeps me where I am. I don't know and for a large part it doesn't matter. I (and you) need to stop comparing our timelines with other people's timelines. We will move on when we are ready. For some, it's opening themselves up to the possibility of someone else being out there, for others, it's the D papers that extinguish that last bastion of hope. Something will happen, and your mind will switch. It might be that your W chooses to R and you decide that that isn't what you want after all. Don't push yourself to be somewhere you are not ready to be yet.
