I try not to talk about R too much with my H. But he keeps bringing it up. The part we get stuck on is when he tells me that he just wants to be happy, and that she makes him happy. When I ask him if he will be happy without me, sometimes he says no, sometimes he says I don't know.
I know that I can't force him or tell him what to do, but we have never really talked what will happen if we D.
Right now he is living in fantasy world with her, all they do is drink eat and party. They don't have to face any of the stress of real life, also he has no hardships because I am taking care of everything at home. I think he needs to understand the consequences of divorce before he actually continues on the path towards it.
Next time he tells me that he is in love with her and that doesn't know what to do and that he can't just ignore his feelings, should I say the following:
I know that you are in love with her, I know that maybe if you two had met at a different time and place you may have a good future together. I do want you to be happy baby. But the reality is that you and I are married, we have built a life here together, a life that will no longer exist if you choose to divorce me. Your relationship with her is immoral and wrong in God's eyes and everyone else's (he used to be religious, but has stopped since seeing her, he commented that God will not forgive him for what he has done). The lack of acceptance will make you sad.
You will no longer have me to support you financially or emotionally. You will have to take care of your mom and our son on a daily basis alone. You will not beable to afford to live in the same lifestyle we have here now. You will have to give up a lot of things, including our home because you won't be able to afford it. This will hurt our son and make you sad.
You won't have time to hang out with your friends because you will have to manage everything on your own - grocery, schoolwork, yardwork, paying the bills etc... This will make you tired and frustrated - it will make you sad.
That girl will not be welcome in your home as long as your mom lives with you, nor is she welcome in your brother's home. You will not be able to share many of the things you enjoy doing with your family with her. This will make you sad.
You will have to live with the guilt of the pain and suffering that your new relationship has caused to all that you love dearly. This will make you sad.
I will not be able to be your friend or offer you forgiveness for a long time, if ever. This will make you sad.
I know you baby, and I know that she may make you happy, but the circumstances around your relationship will make you miserable in the long run. You need to really think if being with her is worth it, and how you can realistically achieve happiness with me or with her.
(guilt is a big motivator for him, he hates hurting people, and I know he needs approval from others constantly)
What do you think? I know this is not d'bing. But I really think he is asking for some kind of direction or suggestion on what to do. I think he needs to know what the consequences of a divorce will be. He has been avoiding facing reality and has admitted that to me.
Maybe I should ask his mom to tell him this instead of me, he values her opinion very highly. I just have to make sure she doesn't get mad and start screaming at him like she has in the past.... (He would not think that I put her up to it, she knows what is going on, she lives with us, also he has called her when he is drunk and tells her stuff.
I have told her to back off for the past few weeks cause she is putting too much pressure on him.)
Should I wait to have this conversation with him (or through his mom)? I know I am not supposed to put any pressure on him, but I can't let him continue thinking that everything will be okay for us even if we are not together. (he is constantly saying that, and saying he hopes we can be friends cause he needs me in his life)
