Dealing with a complex MLC and/or Wayward Wife

[P_Jam]

Okay question:

I've been reading through Kiro's incredible thread(s) - What I learned from my wife's MLC. I'm gaining some incredible perspective and feel more empathy then ever to lead with love. However, from above you can see i'm dealing with multiple EA/PA's some in the past some ongoing. Currently she does not have a steady PA that I'm aware of. But the original PA that launched BD is still in the picture. I just don't believe they are physical on a regular basis and it very well could have only been that once. However, the more they see/talk the more chance there is of more.

Now.. She does not know that I know she is still chatting with him. She also does not know that I know about random one night stand a few weeks ago. But this is what caused me to ask her to move out.

Because she does not know that I know.. I'm stuck between 180 (showing her what she's missing) and WW "tough love". In her mind I don't have a REASON for tough love. It might just look like more of the same.

I do believe I have a way of expressing that I know (or have a pretty good idea what happened that night). The other guy was married and there is talk that his wife found out about it (or somebody in that group did) and they are texting my wife. Therefore, it may be possible to disclose my knowledge without signaling the snooping. Someone told me..

I'm very inclined to try this. It does 2 things before she actually move out. Allows me to 'get it off my chest' a little. Allows your to think and acknowledge why my emotions seem so passive aggressive. Right now I'm still not pursuing and don't plan to but I also feel discouraged with the tough love sometimes, as it seems to come from nowhere.

Thoughts?