Thanks for the encouragement kitkat, I know I have to be patient, but it is so hard.

Yesterday we were sitting on the couch and suddenly he grabbed me and kissed me passionately. I responded of course, then asked him what that was for? He said I look so beautiful, wow, he forgot how beautiful I used to be, and now I look that way again. I said thank you. We lay down hugging together, then he started the R talk again.

He asked me if I was going to move back to my parents in 2 months after my brother's wedding, when we tell everyone. I said I don't know, it depends on how I feel. I told him that I wasn't going to tell anyone what was going on unless I needed to, and he could do the same. I asked him if he wanted me to move out in 2 months? He said he thinks maybe one of us should, but that he could leave instead. I said where would you go? He said he could get a small apartment or something. I said okay.

He said that I will have no problem finding someone else, that I will get married again. He said he won't get married again for a long time, and he has to be 100% sure that it is right. I said don't you want to be a family man?
He said yes, that all he wants is children. I said how are you going to have children then? Are you going to marry OW and have kids with her? He said he never said that he was going to do that. He asked me why couldn't I have made these changes before when he was asking me to? I said I didn't realize what he needed. He asked me if I understand why he was upset before? I said because I didn't make the effort or try to do what he asked. He said yes, then he said he is mad that I waited until he stopped loving me to change.

He said that he told me that he wanted to have children for years now, but that I didn't care, and didn't want to.
I got mad and reminded him that I told him that if he wanted to buy the house that we would have to wait a couple years to pay off our debt so that we could have kids. He said that I made that decision. I said no, that WE made the decision and that in Sept 03 I started taking vitamins for 3 months and that in Dec 03 we tried to have a baby, then in Jan 04 HE decided that he didn't want to be married anymore. And then 2 weeks later he met that slut. I told him that he is destroying everything we have built together and hurting all of us. And for what? He said our family is already broken since he is not happy.
I told him that I feel sorry for him cause he won't be happy with OW, that his family will never accept her, that he will have to choose between them.

I told him I was going out for a smoke, I asked him if he wanted to join me, he said no. But then he came outside, we sat down and he told me that I had changed, that I used to be so easy going, then I became critical and not fun to be around anymore. I said I know that I changed, I was stressed out from our responsibilities and lost track of myself. He said that he tried to tell me so many times but that I would become defensive. I told him we had a communication problem, that he didn't know how to express himself in a productive way, and that I didn't understand his needs before.

He said that the problems we had weren't anyones fault, that sometimes things don't work. He said that what he is doing now (OW) is his fault. He wished none of this had happened, he said that he wished we didn't make those mistakes. I said me too and we kissed. Then he said but now there is someone else, what am I supposed to do? What can I do about that now? His questions caught me off guard,
so I just said I don't know.

Then I told him that I realize he doesn't feel like being together with me now, but that if in the future he wants to, and he doesn't want to hurt OW, then he can just tell he that he is staying with me cause of our son. He said
'yeah right' sarcastically. I dropped it. I am not sure if he meant he wouldn't break up with her, or that my suggestion wouldn't work. But I saw he didn't like my comments so I changed the subject.

We went inside and ended up ML, after he told me that he feels bad for me, asked me if I didn't mind ML with him?
I told him again that it feels natural to me.

Before we went to bed, I asked him about OW, I said how come she got mad at you yesterday because you were sleeping at home?
He said don't worry about it I'll deal with that. I said okay but I thought you told her that you can't make either of us any promises right now? Did you tell her that?
He said yes, but she is mad that we live here together, but I told her there is nothing I can do about it. I said oh.

So she doesn't want him to live at home with me huh? Oh well, too bad.....

I know that if OW found out what his mom and family thinks about her, it would cause problems for her, his mom REALLY wants to meet her and talk to her, tell her that she is not welcome, that she is destroying our family etc... I told her to wait, that I think she should wait until he actually moves out, or decides that we are officially over. What do you think? When should I set his mom loose on her? I know not to do it now cause then he would feel angry and as if we are controlling him. OW needs to know what she is up against don't you think?

On a good note, she is such a fool, knowing how much it bothers her, I am not leaving home for sure.
If he leaves, I know he won't last a month. He was so homesick on our honeymoon, and we were only gone a week.
He will be so burned out from running back and forth between places (he said he would come home everyday for our son), he will have NO money to do anything, his family will be pissed at him. He will miss the family too much and be miserable, end up blaming OW and come home (wishful thinking, but I have been right so far....)

I think part of him wants to stay with me, to try and make things work, but now he doesn't know what to do about OW, my H hates confrontation, especially if it means hurting someone. I don't think he has the guts to tell her it's over, especially since he feels he loves her. It really bothers me that he thinks he owes her anything, they have only known each other for a few months, she knew he was married, WTF??? I need advice on what to tell him the next time he asks me what he should do about OW? keep in mind that he still thinks he can be happier with her, and thinks that our marriage is over.