The roller coaster ride of emotions is a never ending loop. The highs, the lows, the straight-aways. I think I’ve experienced them all in the last 24 hours.
In my last post, I expressed I was doing o.k. Felt more at peace. Riding the straight-away. Today, anxiety, mixed with a bit of hurt, anger, and sorry over my sitch.
I had a great 1 hour with my attorney. I liked her, and she reassured me I was sitting pretty well in a potential future settlement, and reassured me that she didn’t see any reason to do anything now with the finances based on all the facts I gave her. She gave me some additional advice on things I can do to prep “just in case” that will save time and in turn attorney fees. This was a high.
H came to the house and took the kids out to lunch, did a little yard work. Just know he was going to come here made me anxious this morning.
He also picked up his passport.
I posted quite a while ago that he spent an hour on the phone with the cruise line we always use. I would not be surprised if he’s planning a trip with OW. Anxiety, hurt, anger, wanting to hurt him.
My low.
I know this will not go over well on this forum, and you all will advise me to just leave it alone, but I plan to ask him about his trip. Who knows. Maybe he’s not going away with her at all. Maybe he is planning to escape. He’s talked about this many times. Just selling everything, and moving near the kids and starting over. Yes, I know he could lie.
I also plan to ask him about his plans. I am even considering asking him to file for D. I want to ask these things face to face.
I don’t know if I have it in me to stand. I don’t even think I want to try to R. I feel like my whole M was a sham. He obviously has NO consideration for vows, or consideration for me as a person. As his wife. Getting his warped needs met is way more important. Meanwhile, I have to get tested for STDs and provide all the emotional support to our kids.
The butterflies are back. The anxiety is high. He’s coming back tomorrow to drop off his band gear. I’ve asked him to come when I know the kids won’t be here. He hasn’t responded yet.
