Full speed ahead with GAL: conferences, papers, a book, an overseas project. Been real busy.
Last week, saw W for the first time in a while. Caught her up on my various projects. She said she wanted to move forward with mediation. I told her my position in clear terms: I am against D, but I also will not stand in her way.
We hugged each other when we said good-bye and we each told the other, "I love you."
I have been seeing friends, including female friends. Am very transparent with them that I still love W.
Had a productive chat with my daughter, who is probably one of my best friends. She gave me useful perspective, making me realize even more that W needs to do this, which is essentially to find her own voice. My daughter's perspective also helped me understand W's resentment and anger, not so much because of anything I've done, but rather because of who I am. I've pretty much accomplished all I set out to do in my career.
While I am sure I might have been more empathetic and compassionate, I also recognize all I contributed: having members of her family live with us; cooking dinner every night; being an engaged father; doing my own laundry; full partner in other household chores; having a high-paying job with benefits and being the main bread winner. I think W would have experienced midlife individuation regardless.
Bottom line: emotional detachment is hard because I truly, deeply love W. Given all I have on my plate professionally, I am choosing to stand by, even as I open myself to other friendships. If anything, these friendships remind me of how special W is. This may change in time, but for right now, I remain committed. She is worth the wait.
