Kitkat, just knowing someone takes the time to read and respond to my crazy situation makes me feel so much better.
I will try to reach the others, they are in the piecing forum right?

Last night, my H went out with some of his friends, not OW.
But I think he stayed at the restaurant/bar after and talked to her on the phone. He called me at home around midnight and asked me to meet him out on the porch. I said okay, not sure what was going on. He came home and asked me to sit with him on the stairs. I asked him if he was okay, he said no. He was tipsy. He started asking me a bunch of questions, I think I responded well, but not sure:


H: Do you still love me? If I come back to you are you going to treat me badly because of what I have done?

Me: I love you very much, and I will not treat you badly, I will work very hard to forgive you and leave the past behind.


H: Why do you hate OW?
Me: Because she knew you were married, and she still pursued you. You told her so many times that you need to go back to your family, but she wouldn't let you go.
H: But we are separated now, and I love her.
Me: It doesn't matter that we are separated now, she was cheating with you for 2 months before we separated. She doesn't care that she is destroying our chances at fixing things between us and saving our family.


H: You will always be my friend right baby? no matter what?
Me: I will try to be your friend, but I cannot watch you with her, it would hurt too much.
(he became very sad when I said this and hugged and kissed me)


H: Don't you want me to be happy? You would rather make yourself happy?
Me: Of course not, I want you to be happy, but how can you be happy knowing your decisions hurt everyone else that you love?
(meaning me, our son, his mom etc...)
H: I won't be. (begins to tear up, almost crying)


H: Would you be happy if I left OW and came to you, even though it would make me unhappy?
Me: I won't be happy, cause I know how hard it will be for you, but I would feel better cause I wouldn't be hurting so bad. I think we can both be happy again like we used to be at the beginning, if we try.

H: So you are going to make me leave her aren't you?
Me: I have no control over your situation with her. I am not going to force you to do anything baby. You need to decide what to do.
H: thank you (hugs me tighter)


H: If I leave her and come back to you I don't think I will be happy.
Me: I know you won't be happy, I know you will be sad and hurting baby. I know it will take a long time to get over her, but I am going to be by your side and help you anyway you need me to. Eventually I believe we can be happy together again.



Then he told me that OW is upset at him cause he is with me tonight.
I said but you and I live together, where does she expect you to be? I am your wife. He said that we are supposed to be separated now, and she gets mad when he spends time with me. (obviously she doesn't realize that she is the outsider in his life, his home is with me and our family, she is just the distraction....imagine what she would do if she found out we are constantly ML, cuddle all night and take showers together? I thought she knew the sitch, Oh the temptation to tell her!! - don't worry, I won't, at least not yet...)

He said he was going to call her now and tell her that he is spending the night with his wife. He asked me if I was going to get mad again for talking to her. I said no, I will give you some privacy. I went to the backyard, and nearly jumped in glee....They are fighting over me!! What a loser this girl is, she screws around with a married man and expects their relationship to be normal? Is she so stupid not to know the risks you take on when you try to destroy a marriage. She actually gets mad that he spends time with me? Of course he spends time with me, we live together in our home, with our family.

I went inside again, when I came out he was yelling at her on his cell phone, saying it's her own fault, then he hung up on her. I didn't comment.

On the down side, I know that he is not ready to let her go,
this is the 3rd fight they have had in the past few weeks. But he keeps going back to her. I know he will see her again tommorow, and they will probably make up. But their relationship is built on a foundation of deceit, and now as reality is starting to set in, and she is starting to make 'relationship demands' it's beginning to crumble.

I am just going to keep d'bing, stop pressuring him, and let her drive him back to me.

I know that it's only going to get worse for them, eventually, if it lasts that long, she is going to push him to decide between his family or her, that will be the end of them.
(the A is still a secret, only a few members of his family know what is going on. They never met each other, but they told me they hate her and want to kill her. I don't think H has told her this, I don't think he realizes they are serious. She doesn't understand what lies ahead for her, loser.)


Kitkat - I told him a couple months ago that he couldn't really be in love with OW if he still ML with me. He got angry and said we won't ML anymore - yeah right....Anyways that was before I knew about D'bing and was hounding him everyday, telling him how wrong this was etc...

recently I did ask him why he still wants to ML to me, he said he doesn't know, he guesses he is the same as me. I didn't push as to what that meant.

Anyways, does anyone have any suggestions/advice/critisism about how I responded to his questions? Or what I could say in the future?