I understand what you are saying kitkat, I realize that you are just speaking from your experience and others. It does help me to look at different perspectives cause I am too close to the situation to be objective, so thank you.
well, friday night I knew he was going out, so I got ready before him. Normally I wait until he leaves to spend as much time as possible with him. I looked pretty hot (if I do say so myself). I also put on perfume (something I never do..).
H told me that I look so beautiful, he also said that a lot of guys were going to try to pick me up. I said I know and smiled. Then I gave him a quick kiss and left.
Around 3am he called my cell, I was almost asleep and answered. He asked if I was at home? I said yes. He said he was drinking. Then he said he had to go and he'd call me back later. I think OW was coming close to him and he didn't want her to know he was calling me. He has NEVER called me when he is out with her on the weekends.
The next day he told me that he was just calling cause he was worried about me, and wanted to make sure I was safe (yeah right!! he wanted to know if I came home or was out all night). He asked me if I had a good time out, I said yes. He said he is glad that we are both moving on. I didn't respond (normally I would tell him that I will never want to be with anyone else etc..) Then he put his head on my lap and hugged me (like a child), I just held him and didn't say anything.
Anyways, we spent the day together working outside the house, then he went to take a shower, I didn't follow him along as I usually do (another 180). Then he called me from the shower and asked me to pass him a new bar of soap, then he asked me if I wanted to come in the shower with him. I said okay, he asked me if I wanted to ML, I said okay. He then asked me if we had an open marriage cause I knew he had someone else but still wanted to ML with him.
I said we do not have an open marriage, that in an open marriage the couple are emotionally committed to each other, but agree to just have sex with others. He said 'isn't that what we have now?' I said no, that he wasn't emotionally committed to me, that he wanted to leave me for OW, that he wasn't just with her for sex.
He was quiet for awhile, then he said that he WAS emotionally attached to me, but he was also emotionally attached to her, they were just different emotions. Then he said he didn't know what was wrong with him, that he is f&(*(ed up. I didn't say anything, just hugged him. Then we both got ready and left separately. If he calls me again tonight, I will not answer the phone, he caught me offguard when he called last night,I could have pulled another 180 and ignored his call, or at least pretend I wasn't at home...
I am so happy you understood what I was trying to say. I am afried that when I put in my to cents that I might be leading someone in the worng dirction. I am really glad to be here for suport for you.
I think it is a great step that he called you even if it was just to check up on what or who you was with. It shows that he still cares.
Try to make sure you look hot, or at least feel that way almost everyday. I have quite wearing all the frumpy and baggy clothes that a always wore around the house. I did it for me, but it also got H's attion.
And I have strated to wear my good clothes when I not cleaning house. And when H notice I stared putting on perfume before I went to work. He asked who I was trying to get nice for. I smiled at him and said me. Now and then he complants me and how I smell and look. (been a long while since that had happened).
Quote: Then we both got ready and left separately. If he calls me again tonight, I will not answer the phone, he caught me offguard when he called last night, I could have pulled another 180 and ignored his call, or at least pretend I wasn't at home...
I really wouldn't pretend I wasn't home. But you can not anwser and when he ask about it later. You could tell him that you was in to good of a mood to let him calling you while he was with her get to you.
Pretending you ain't home would proply just get a fuss going. And right now that is the last thing you want to do.
Just rember this is going to take a lot of time. I was reading a post by BoldNBeutiful over in Peicing our M back. From what I have read she has been where you are. It might help you with your Stich. If you read hers. I haven't read much but thought it might help you.
Thank you very much kitkat for pointing me to her thread, her situation is almost exactly like mine, except my H still lives with me at home.
I realize that I need to be patient, but this is getting more and more unbearable. Every weekend he goes out with her, then he comes back and is more resolved in his belief that she makes him happy. Saturday night he didn't call me to see if I went out or not. Then on Sunday I waited until he called me, it was really hard not to call him but I distracted myself by shopping. He finally called and asked me if I wanted to go with him to take his nephews to the park. I said okay and was pleasant, we had fun playing with the kids. Then we went home and he wanted to ML.
Afterwards he asked me again why I still ML with him. I told him that I love him and it feels natural to me. He told me that I need to stop acting like everything is okay between us, to find someone else to love and be happy with.
It really hurt to hear him say that, I couldn't help it, I started to cry. He held me and told me he is sorry I am hurting. I snapped out of it as quick as I could and went back to being cheerful. I think that he wants me find someone else so that we can both agree to D. Right now I think he is sitting on the fence. He believes he is happier with her, but is not sure that it is real, or if he will be happy without me. He told me he doesn't want to make a mistake - I don't know if he means by staying or leaving. I think if I find someone else, then he doesn't have to make the decision, it will be made for him. But I will not do that. Next time he tells me to find someone else, I will say that I am commited to this marriage until it is officially over. (if I do find myself unable to live in limbo for much longer then I will do an LRT using separation/divorce papers.) He needs to decide if D is what he really wants.
Later that night, he told me to stay upstairs and keep an eye on our son who was sleeping, he said he wanted to do some stuff on the computer. I picked up the phone to make a call and he was talking to OW. This is the first time I heard them interact. It broke my heart, he told her that he loves her and would call her again in the morning.
I got so angry that I stormed downstairs and told him he was a F*)()*ing ASS&(*(*, he was talking to his brother and said we would discuss it later. I left the house to go for a drive. I screamed and yelled as I was driving. I really wanted to call her and tell her what she is doing to our family, that she should let him go. But I stopped myself, cried a bit then went home. I don't think she realizes what is going on, my H hinted that he is not telling her the effect of their A. Should I call her and tell her the situation?.
I acted all nice again when he came to the room, then I calmly told him not to call her from our house phone when I am there. He got angry and said that he didn't do it in front of me. I said he should use his cell phone. Then he asked me what the big deal was? I knew what was going on.
I told him that it really hurt me to hear him say those words to another. He said that I don't want him to be happy, I said that is not true. He hugged me and we went to sleep.
This morning he called me from work to see if I was okay.
I said sometimes I feel okay, and sometimes I don't. That this is hard for me. He told me that he has been forthcoming with me about his feelings so this shouldn't be news to me. I said I know that, but it hurts to hear him say those words to her. He changed the subject and we discussed house issues.
I am in really bad shape today, I am close to tears when I think about us.
I really am considering leaving home for a while, just to get away from it all. Also this will give him a chance to see what life without me is like. But I am afraid that he is so obsessed with OW, that even though he will miss me, he will occupy his time with her.
I know that I have an advantage over a lot of people here because we still live together and ML and cuddle etc... I think that I will have a better chance of saving our marriage because of our level of interaction. But at the same time, it is like torture because I know when he is with her, or talking to her. I really need to learn how to detach, or this will kill me.
He is calling me at work again, but it is only because he knows I am upset. Whenever we have a fight about us or OW, he constantly calls me at work. Since I have been d-bing, he has stopped calling me. I do miss his phone calls, Is the attention I am getting from him out of guilt or responsibility (he feels it's his duty to comfort me)? Would it be better to only get a few phone calls that come from him missing me OR to get constant attention that is from obligation? It is so hard to get through the day without talking to him. I think subconsciously I want him to see how much he is hurting me in order to keep him calling me. But I am realizing that this behaviour in the long run might push him from me.
This is one thing I am confused about in regards to D'bing. It says to be happy and act as if. But when I do this he seems to think I am okay with everything, and he spends less time with me, and grows closer to her. Then he gets surprised when I do feel hurt or tell him that of course it bothers me that he is with OW.
He hasn't even tried to sleep on the couch in the past 2 weeks, comes straight to our room, he is asking me to take showers with him talking about doing things for the house etc...My situation is different than some others, in that he is still quite close to me, is very loving, and understanding, feels very guilty and sad about hurting me, constantly tells me how beatiful I am, what a good person I am, says he needs me in his life, to be his friend, that he can't imagine life without me.
But at the same time falling more in love with OW.
I am so f*)(*ed up right now, I am scared to do anything because it could make things worse. But I am scared not to do anything cause he could slip away for good....
I really wished I knew what to tell you to do. For our stich is closer yet worlds apart. You are welcome to my opions. (As my H would say I think everyone should have my opions that why I share the all the time )
If I was you I would try to post to BoldNBeutiful and see if she has any insight that me and you are missing. Maybe since she has been down that road she might be able to help you.
in my humble opinion:
Quote: Afterwards he asked me again why I still ML with him. I told him that I love him and it feels natural to me.
I would have to ask him why does he ML to me. (If him asking the same question over and over upset you, turn the tables.) He has to reexamine himself to for the marriage to work. Right now he doesn't want to it seems like he wants to keep a blind eye on everything. (But I belive it is only far that he should anwers his own questions)
Quote: Later that night, he told me to stay upstairs and keep an eye on our son who was sleeping, he said he wanted to do some stuff on the computer. I picked up the phone to make a call and he was talking to OW. This is the first time I heard them interact. It broke my heart, he told her that he loves her and would call her again in the morning.
I got so angry that I stormed downstairs and told him he was a F*)()*ing ASS&(*(*, he was talking to his brother and said we would discuss it later. I left the house to go for a drive. I screamed and yelled as I was driving. I really wanted to call her and tell her what she is doing to our family, that she should let him go. But I stopped myself, cried a bit then went home. I don't think she realizes what is going on, my H hinted that he is not telling her the effect of their A. Should I call her and tell her the situation?.
I acted all nice again when he came to the room, then I calmly told him not to call her from our house phone when I am there. He got angry and said that he didn't do it in front of me. I said he should use his cell phone. Then he asked me what the big deal was? I knew what was going on.
Great job on getting out and not breaking down in front of H. Just try not to cry to much while driving. Pull over if need be, just take a step back when you need to. I belive that you have every right to tell him to use his cell phone and take his talks with Ow outside or elsewhere. It is still your home.
Ican only imagine what you went tru hear him say taht to her. I want you to that I am pround of you for not going down stairs and kicking him right in the balls for that.(you are stronger than you give yourself credit for and that is prof).
Quote: I really am considering leaving home for a while, just to get away from it all. Also this will give him a chance to see what life without me is like. But I am afraid that he is so obsessed with OW, that even though he will miss me, he will occupy his time with her.
I wouldn't leave. In some states leaving if only to save your sanity for a bit. Is looked at as abonedment. And you do have your son to think of. You don't wait anything to jepodized your changes on that issue.
Quote: This is one thing I am confused about in regards to D'bing. It says to be happy and act as if. But when I do this he seems to think I am okay with everything, and he spends less time with me, and grows closer to her. Then he gets surprised when I do feel hurt or tell him that of course it bothers me that he is with OW.
That is sonething I have been trying to figure out myself. It might be something for the ones that are not so new at this to anwser. If someone lets you know please let me in on the secert too.
Quote: I am scared to do anything because it could make things worse. But I am scared not to do anything cause he could slip away for good....
Maybe going back and reading one of the books that has helped you maybe DR or whatever, will give you new insigte. Maybe we or going down a cheeseless turnel here.
Try posting to BoldNBeutiful. If I remember correctly almost40 said that ya's sitch was almost alike. Just rember to try and keep clam. And if need be, take a step back.
Kitkat, just knowing someone takes the time to read and respond to my crazy situation makes me feel so much better.
I will try to reach the others, they are in the piecing forum right?
Last night, my H went out with some of his friends, not OW.
But I think he stayed at the restaurant/bar after and talked to her on the phone. He called me at home around midnight and asked me to meet him out on the porch. I said okay, not sure what was going on. He came home and asked me to sit with him on the stairs. I asked him if he was okay, he said no. He was tipsy. He started asking me a bunch of questions, I think I responded well, but not sure:
H: Do you still love me? If I come back to you are you going to treat me badly because of what I have done?
Me: I love you very much, and I will not treat you badly, I will work very hard to forgive you and leave the past behind.
H: Why do you hate OW?
Me: Because she knew you were married, and she still pursued you. You told her so many times that you need to go back to your family, but she wouldn't let you go.
H: But we are separated now, and I love her.
Me: It doesn't matter that we are separated now, she was cheating with you for 2 months before we separated. She doesn't care that she is destroying our chances at fixing things between us and saving our family.
H: You will always be my friend right baby? no matter what?
Me: I will try to be your friend, but I cannot watch you with her, it would hurt too much.
(he became very sad when I said this and hugged and kissed me)
H: Don't you want me to be happy? You would rather make yourself happy?
Me: Of course not, I want you to be happy, but how can you be happy knowing your decisions hurt everyone else that you love?
(meaning me, our son, his mom etc...)
H: I won't be. (begins to tear up, almost crying)
H: Would you be happy if I left OW and came to you, even though it would make me unhappy?
Me: I won't be happy, cause I know how hard it will be for you, but I would feel better cause I wouldn't be hurting so bad. I think we can both be happy again like we used to be at the beginning, if we try.
H: So you are going to make me leave her aren't you?
Me: I have no control over your situation with her. I am not going to force you to do anything baby. You need to decide what to do.
H: thank you (hugs me tighter)
H: If I leave her and come back to you I don't think I will be happy.
Me: I know you won't be happy, I know you will be sad and hurting baby. I know it will take a long time to get over her, but I am going to be by your side and help you anyway you need me to. Eventually I believe we can be happy together again.
Then he told me that OW is upset at him cause he is with me tonight.
I said but you and I live together, where does she expect you to be? I am your wife. He said that we are supposed to be separated now, and she gets mad when he spends time with me. (obviously she doesn't realize that she is the outsider in his life, his home is with me and our family, she is just the distraction....imagine what she would do if she found out we are constantly ML, cuddle all night and take showers together? I thought she knew the sitch, Oh the temptation to tell her!! - don't worry, I won't, at least not yet...)
He said he was going to call her now and tell her that he is spending the night with his wife. He asked me if I was going to get mad again for talking to her. I said no, I will give you some privacy. I went to the backyard, and nearly jumped in glee....They are fighting over me!! What a loser this girl is, she screws around with a married man and expects their relationship to be normal? Is she so stupid not to know the risks you take on when you try to destroy a marriage. She actually gets mad that he spends time with me? Of course he spends time with me, we live together in our home, with our family.
I went inside again, when I came out he was yelling at her on his cell phone, saying it's her own fault, then he hung up on her. I didn't comment.
On the down side, I know that he is not ready to let her go,
this is the 3rd fight they have had in the past few weeks. But he keeps going back to her. I know he will see her again tommorow, and they will probably make up. But their relationship is built on a foundation of deceit, and now as reality is starting to set in, and she is starting to make 'relationship demands' it's beginning to crumble.
I am just going to keep d'bing, stop pressuring him, and let her drive him back to me.
I know that it's only going to get worse for them, eventually, if it lasts that long, she is going to push him to decide between his family or her, that will be the end of them.
(the A is still a secret, only a few members of his family know what is going on. They never met each other, but they told me they hate her and want to kill her. I don't think H has told her this, I don't think he realizes they are serious. She doesn't understand what lies ahead for her, loser.)
Kitkat - I told him a couple months ago that he couldn't really be in love with OW if he still ML with me. He got angry and said we won't ML anymore - yeah right....Anyways that was before I knew about D'bing and was hounding him everyday, telling him how wrong this was etc...
recently I did ask him why he still wants to ML to me, he said he doesn't know, he guesses he is the same as me. I didn't push as to what that meant.
Anyways, does anyone have any suggestions/advice/critisism about how I responded to his questions? Or what I could say in the future?
I can't post all that I want to. (have a date with my sisters to play cards) But I want you to know that I am very pround and extiate for how great you handle the questions.
Brovo I don't think it could have been handled better. I will post as soom as I can.
I think you done a great job on the queatsion. And it sounds like a postive step that H is asking how you would treat him if he came back home. You have anwsner his question about hating the Ow way better than I would have. It seems to me H maybe wanting to come home, but is still a little scared to let go of the Ow. You might have a little bit of a wait. But while that is going on keep up the DBing and working on you.
Quote: Then he told me that OW is upset at him cause he is with me tonight. I said but you and I live together, where does she expect you to be? I am your wife. He said that we are supposed to be separated now, and she gets mad when he spends time with me. (obviously she doesn't realize that she is the outsider in his life, his home is with me and our family, she is just the distraction....imagine what she would do if she found out we are constantly ML, cuddle all night and take showers together? I thought she knew the sitch, Oh the temptation to tell her!! - don't worry, I won't, at least not yet...)
It is great that she is jealouse that he spends time with you. I thnk if she knew the sitch, it wouldn't sit good with her. But it seems like you knew what the frist thing out of my mouth would be. But the at least not yet, kinda makes me nervouse. Don't go and tell her about what you and H dose in the heat of the monent.
Now matter when it comes out. It can't be from you or it will work against all the great work. When the time is right your H will probly tell her and her recation will be the last straw. But then agian he might break it off with out her ever knowing about. But If it does come out it can't be from you.
Quote: On the down side, I know that he is not ready to let her go, this is the 3rd fight they have had in the past few weeks. But he keeps going back to her. I know he will see her again tommorow, and they will probably make up. But their relationship is built on a foundation of deceit, and now as reality is starting to set in, and she is starting to make 'relationship demands' it's beginning to crumble.
I am just going to keep d'bing, stop pressuring him, and let her drive him back to me.
Keep this in mind becuse it might take a little time. But keep up your plan. The more she demands and the more postive stuff you do. It should take H long to see that he can't have it both ways. And coming home to his famliy will keep looking beter and better.
I am so happy for you. It is a great step if you ask me.
Thanks for the encouragement kitkat, I know I have to be patient, but it is so hard.
Yesterday we were sitting on the couch and suddenly he grabbed me and kissed me passionately. I responded of course, then asked him what that was for? He said I look so beautiful, wow, he forgot how beautiful I used to be, and now I look that way again. I said thank you. We lay down hugging together, then he started the R talk again.
He asked me if I was going to move back to my parents in 2 months after my brother's wedding, when we tell everyone. I said I don't know, it depends on how I feel. I told him that I wasn't going to tell anyone what was going on unless I needed to, and he could do the same. I asked him if he wanted me to move out in 2 months? He said he thinks maybe one of us should, but that he could leave instead. I said where would you go? He said he could get a small apartment or something. I said okay.
He said that I will have no problem finding someone else, that I will get married again. He said he won't get married again for a long time, and he has to be 100% sure that it is right. I said don't you want to be a family man? He said yes, that all he wants is children. I said how are you going to have children then? Are you going to marry OW and have kids with her? He said he never said that he was going to do that. He asked me why couldn't I have made these changes before when he was asking me to? I said I didn't realize what he needed. He asked me if I understand why he was upset before? I said because I didn't make the effort or try to do what he asked. He said yes, then he said he is mad that I waited until he stopped loving me to change.
He said that he told me that he wanted to have children for years now, but that I didn't care, and didn't want to. I got mad and reminded him that I told him that if he wanted to buy the house that we would have to wait a couple years to pay off our debt so that we could have kids. He said that I made that decision. I said no, that WE made the decision and that in Sept 03 I started taking vitamins for 3 months and that in Dec 03 we tried to have a baby, then in Jan 04 HE decided that he didn't want to be married anymore. And then 2 weeks later he met that slut. I told him that he is destroying everything we have built together and hurting all of us. And for what? He said our family is already broken since he is not happy. I told him that I feel sorry for him cause he won't be happy with OW, that his family will never accept her, that he will have to choose between them.
I told him I was going out for a smoke, I asked him if he wanted to join me, he said no. But then he came outside, we sat down and he told me that I had changed, that I used to be so easy going, then I became critical and not fun to be around anymore. I said I know that I changed, I was stressed out from our responsibilities and lost track of myself. He said that he tried to tell me so many times but that I would become defensive. I told him we had a communication problem, that he didn't know how to express himself in a productive way, and that I didn't understand his needs before.
He said that the problems we had weren't anyones fault, that sometimes things don't work. He said that what he is doing now (OW) is his fault. He wished none of this had happened, he said that he wished we didn't make those mistakes. I said me too and we kissed. Then he said but now there is someone else, what am I supposed to do? What can I do about that now? His questions caught me off guard, so I just said I don't know.
Then I told him that I realize he doesn't feel like being together with me now, but that if in the future he wants to, and he doesn't want to hurt OW, then he can just tell he that he is staying with me cause of our son. He said 'yeah right' sarcastically. I dropped it. I am not sure if he meant he wouldn't break up with her, or that my suggestion wouldn't work. But I saw he didn't like my comments so I changed the subject.
We went inside and ended up ML, after he told me that he feels bad for me, asked me if I didn't mind ML with him? I told him again that it feels natural to me.
Before we went to bed, I asked him about OW, I said how come she got mad at you yesterday because you were sleeping at home? He said don't worry about it I'll deal with that. I said okay but I thought you told her that you can't make either of us any promises right now? Did you tell her that? He said yes, but she is mad that we live here together, but I told her there is nothing I can do about it. I said oh.
So she doesn't want him to live at home with me huh? Oh well, too bad.....
I know that if OW found out what his mom and family thinks about her, it would cause problems for her, his mom REALLY wants to meet her and talk to her, tell her that she is not welcome, that she is destroying our family etc... I told her to wait, that I think she should wait until he actually moves out, or decides that we are officially over. What do you think? When should I set his mom loose on her? I know not to do it now cause then he would feel angry and as if we are controlling him. OW needs to know what she is up against don't you think?
On a good note, she is such a fool, knowing how much it bothers her, I am not leaving home for sure. If he leaves, I know he won't last a month. He was so homesick on our honeymoon, and we were only gone a week. He will be so burned out from running back and forth between places (he said he would come home everyday for our son), he will have NO money to do anything, his family will be pissed at him. He will miss the family too much and be miserable, end up blaming OW and come home (wishful thinking, but I have been right so far....)
I think part of him wants to stay with me, to try and make things work, but now he doesn't know what to do about OW, my H hates confrontation, especially if it means hurting someone. I don't think he has the guts to tell her it's over, especially since he feels he loves her. It really bothers me that he thinks he owes her anything, they have only known each other for a few months, she knew he was married, WTF??? I need advice on what to tell him the next time he asks me what he should do about OW? keep in mind that he still thinks he can be happier with her, and thinks that our marriage is over.
It seems like you are really doing a good job. As for telling him you don't know when he asked what could he do now that there is someone else. Is about all you can do, if you said anything differnet it would be preussing him.
Quote: I know that if OW found out what his mom and family thinks about her, it would cause problems for her, his mom REALLY wants to meet her and talk to her, tell her that she is not welcome, that she is destroying our family etc... I told her to wait, that I think she should wait until he actually moves out, or decides that we are officially over. What do you think? When should I set his mom loose on her? I know not to do it now cause then he would feel angry and as if we are controlling him. OW needs to know what she is up against don't you think?
You really have no control of anyone but you (we have learned that the hard way. Because if we could control it both our H's would stay home where they belong) But if I was you I would ask his mom not to say or doing anything while both you and H are trying to work things out. Because if she went to Ow H would think you put her up to it. (I may be wrong, but if he does leave, it kinda of gives mom opan range) But then it sorta seems like a bad ideal too, satafing but bad. And who cares if Ow needs to know what she is up against. If she knew she would change her tatics to suit her. Let her be in the dark, it will work aginset her in the long run, i think.
I wouldn't leave, if I could afford it. Let him if that is what he wants.
Quote: On a good note, she is such a fool, knowing how much it bothers her, I am not leaving home for sure. If he leaves, I know he won't last a month. He was so homesick on our honeymoon, and we were only gone a week. He will be so burned out from running back and forth between places (he said he would come home everyday for our son), he will have NO money to do anything, his family will be pissed at him. He will miss the family too much and be miserable, end up blaming OW and come home (wishful thinking, but I have been right so far....)
It may be wishinful thinking, but as long as you keep in mind what is going on, it's not bad to wish.
Quote: I need advice on what to tell him the next time he asks me what he should do about OW? keep in mind that he still thinks he can be happier with her, and thinks that our marriage is over.
Ther really isn't anything you can say to him. This is something he has to work out for himself. Even thouogh it is painful to you. He has to get his sh** together before he dose anything. I wish there was anwser that i could give you that would make it sound right.
thanks Kitkat, I am feeling really down today. Last night he went out with her, but for the first time he came home instead of staying out all night. He has promised to do this many times for our son, but usually fails. Anyways, he came to the room started hugging me, he was in a good mood,(great he must have had a good time with the slut). He got quiet, started kissing me and we had the following conversation:
H: Are you going to forgive me for all the bad things I am doing baby?
Me: yes, of course I will try to forgive you.
H: you know I love you right? Me: yes.
(like an idiot I thought he was asking for my forgiveness and telling me this cause he was going to break up with OW)
H: baby I know it's wrong, but I love her. I try not to, but I can't help it. What can I do?
Me: I know you love her, but I don't think it will work in the real world. H: I never did anything for my own happiness, only everyone elses.
Me: that's not true, you were happy with us at the beginning and when you married me. That was for your happiness. H: We just fell out of love baby. Me: no, I didn't fall out of love, you let all the anger and resentment build up inside you and then you decided that you were no longer in love with me.
H: So what am I supposed to do? Just push my emotions aside? Me: No, but you need to look at the big picture.
H: You are not going to let me go are you? Me: I already have, what else do you want me to do? H: Then why did you get mad when you heard me talking to her last week? Me: I told you I never want to hear or see you together with her because it hurts me very much. H: I am sorry, let's go to sleep now okay, can we hug? Me: Okay.
I hate hearing how much he loves HER!! I wish there was a way for him to experience the future he has with her without us having to get divorced, lose our home and hurt our families. I know that he won't be happy because of the circumstances, not necessarily because of her.
I was so sad this morning, I cried while he was in the shower, he wanted me to go in there with him, but I had to get some stuff for our son to take to school. So he said we could take one together tommorow (he likes to sit in the tub under the shower like a waterfall and hug me - he often does alone when he is sad - he was doing that today).
When he dropped me off at the station I said goodbye and didn't ask him as usual for a kiss (sometimes he kisses back, sometimes he doesn't). He said hey, don't you want a kiss? I said oh yeah, okay. I kissed him, he asked me if I was okay? I said it didn't matter, and left the car.
He called me at work today to see if I was mad at him. I said no, that I was just sad. He said why? What did I do last night? I said nothing, I just feel sad cause of us sometimes okay? He said that I slammed the car door when I left. I said oh, I didn't realize I did that, sorry. He asked me how come I didn't send him an email yet? (lately I have been sending him emails when I am upset or need to respond to his questions/remarks.) I told him I wasn't planning on sending him one. He said oh, I was expecting you too. I said how come you only call me now when I am upset? You don't call me to talk anymore huh? He didn't really answer, just told me to cheer up and he would call me later. I said okay bye.
When he says stuff like he did last night, I feel so hopeless, like what's the point of trying to make someone love you back when their heart is somewhere else? Why not just let him go and move on with my life? How long am I going to wait for him? I want to have a family and my own children, I am 33 this year, I don't have many years left to find someone else, settle down and have children. I know in my heart I am not ready to let him go. I also know that I could end up waiting forever for him, until he finally decides to get a D, and then I will have wasted my life on someone who couldn't see the value of us. I will end up being bitter and scared to give my heart to anyone else. I know life goes on, but how will I ever get over him. He expects me to be friends with him, how can I do that when it will feel like a knife through my heart each time we interact? I wish I was a few years younger, then I wouldn't feel this pressure to leave now and start again to fulfill my dreams of a family.
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