I really, seriously thought she was (and we were) better than this. When I was dating, I wanted to find someone who is a faithful Catholic and who doesn’t believe in divorce
My XW is Catholic, not devout by any means but when we got married she was absolutely 100% committed to the end, or so she thought at the time. Her mom is extremely devout, a very strong believer in marriage (she stuck by her first husband through horrible suffering in MS and her 2nd through terrible struggles with diabetes as well) and I suspect counseled her to work on the M. To no avail. In the end the WAS's urges to leave the M will overpower any religious/ spiritual beliefs they have almost every time. WAS's have a very effective rationalization hamster that is always hard at work, it could go something like this- "I am miserable in this M and God wants me to be happy, so God would want me to get divorced and God would tell me it is best for all of us, even the kids." In the end they will have themselves believing that God drove them to leave the M, that it's God's will. There is pretty much nothing they can't rationalize their way out of.
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One thing I’ve given much thought to, and could write a much longer post about, is that if this goes through, what would I want from a dating partner, and potential remarriage. I sometimes wonder if I asked too much of a marriage partner. I also have wondered if I would potentially be happy (or happier) with another woman who is not necessarily Catholic—a Protestant Christian, or someone of another faith tradition, or perhaps even atheist / agnostic; as long as this woman is sympathetic or ‘do no harm’ towards my beliefs or the beliefs I wish to instill in the boys until they are of age to decide for themselves.
That's a journey you have to travel for sure. My GF is so vastly different than the type of girls I dated before getting married. No filter, no hiding, no faking anything. You know just where you stand with her for better or worse, LOL! You know exactly what kind of mood she's in. I'm not saying she's better than my XW, but things are just more open and honest and straightforward. I think after BD, S and D I was subconsciously seeking that without even really realizing it. I'm just tired of all the cloak-and-dagger WAS crap.
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Thanks, TF. Right now I just want to crawl into a hole. But then I realize that things will probably get much, much worse before they get better.
If it's any consolation, I think you've officially been through the worst of it. Getting served is kind of a mini BD, there's something about seeing your tattered marriage all laid out in black and white that really kicks you in the nads. D is no fun but I and many others here have said that when the D was finally over, we expected a mini BD but instead just felt a sense of relief, like a great weight had been lifted. A lot of our struggles with BD and the after math is fear of the unknown. Not knowing what your visitation will be, how the kids will handle things, how your job will go, what's going to happen with your living arrangements, etc. etc. Once you resolve these things then there's really no "unknown" to fear anymore. You work it out, you realize you can indeed do this, and then you say "OK, this isn't such a bad deal after all." It's part of dropping the rope.
