Thank you very much kitkat for pointing me to her thread, her situation is almost exactly like mine, except my H still lives with me at home.
I realize that I need to be patient, but this is getting more and more unbearable. Every weekend he goes out with her, then he comes back and is more resolved in his belief that she makes him happy. Saturday night he didn't call me to see if I went out or not. Then on Sunday I waited until he called me, it was really hard not to call him but I distracted myself by shopping. He finally called and asked me if I wanted to go with him to take his nephews to the park. I said okay and was pleasant, we had fun playing with the kids. Then we went home and he wanted to ML.
Afterwards he asked me again why I still ML with him. I told him that I love him and it feels natural to me. He told me that I need to stop acting like everything is okay between us, to find someone else to love and be happy with.
It really hurt to hear him say that, I couldn't help it, I started to cry. He held me and told me he is sorry I am hurting. I snapped out of it as quick as I could and went back to being cheerful. I think that he wants me find someone else so that we can both agree to D. Right now I think he is sitting on the fence. He believes he is happier with her, but is not sure that it is real, or if he will be happy without me. He told me he doesn't want to make a mistake - I don't know if he means by staying or leaving. I think if I find someone else, then he doesn't have to make the decision, it will be made for him. But I will not do that. Next time he tells me to find someone else, I will say that I am commited to this marriage until it is officially over. (if I do find myself unable to live in limbo for much longer then I will do an LRT using separation/divorce papers.) He needs to decide if D is what he really wants.
Later that night, he told me to stay upstairs and keep an eye on our son who was sleeping, he said he wanted to do some stuff on the computer. I picked up the phone to make a call and he was talking to OW. This is the first time I heard them interact. It broke my heart, he told her that he loves her and would call her again in the morning.
I got so angry that I stormed downstairs and told him he was a F*)()*ing ASS&(*(*, he was talking to his brother and said we would discuss it later. I left the house to go for a drive. I screamed and yelled as I was driving. I really wanted to call her and tell her what she is doing to our family, that she should let him go. But I stopped myself, cried a bit then went home. I don't think she realizes what is going on, my H hinted that he is not telling her the effect of their A. Should I call her and tell her the situation?.
I acted all nice again when he came to the room, then I calmly told him not to call her from our house phone when I am there. He got angry and said that he didn't do it in front of me. I said he should use his cell phone. Then he asked me what the big deal was? I knew what was going on.
I told him that it really hurt me to hear him say those words to another. He said that I don't want him to be happy, I said that is not true. He hugged me and we went to sleep.
This morning he called me from work to see if I was okay.
I said sometimes I feel okay, and sometimes I don't. That this is hard for me. He told me that he has been forthcoming with me about his feelings so this shouldn't be news to me. I said I know that, but it hurts to hear him say those words to her. He changed the subject and we discussed house issues.
I am in really bad shape today, I am close to tears when I think about us.
I really am considering leaving home for a while, just to get away from it all. Also this will give him a chance to see what life without me is like. But I am afraid that he is so obsessed with OW, that even though he will miss me, he will occupy his time with her.
I know that I have an advantage over a lot of people here because we still live together and ML and cuddle etc... I think that I will have a better chance of saving our marriage because of our level of interaction. But at the same time, it is like torture because I know when he is with her, or talking to her. I really need to learn how to detach, or this will kill me.
He is calling me at work again, but it is only because he knows I am upset. Whenever we have a fight about us or OW, he constantly calls me at work. Since I have been d-bing, he has stopped calling me. I do miss his phone calls, Is the attention I am getting from him out of guilt or responsibility (he feels it's his duty to comfort me)? Would it be better to only get a few phone calls that come from him missing me OR to get constant attention that is from obligation? It is so hard to get through the day without talking to him. I think subconsciously I want him to see how much he is hurting me in order to keep him calling me. But I am realizing that this behaviour in the long run might push him from me.
This is one thing I am confused about in regards to D'bing. It says to be happy and act as if. But when I do this he seems to think I am okay with everything, and he spends less time with me, and grows closer to her. Then he gets surprised when I do feel hurt or tell him that of course it bothers me that he is with OW.
He hasn't even tried to sleep on the couch in the past 2 weeks, comes straight to our room, he is asking me to take showers with him talking about doing things for the house etc...My situation is different than some others, in that he is still quite close to me, is very loving, and understanding, feels very guilty and sad about hurting me, constantly tells me how beatiful I am, what a good person I am, says he needs me in his life, to be his friend, that he can't imagine life without me.
But at the same time falling more in love with OW.
I am so f*)(*ed up right now, I am scared to do anything because it could make things worse. But I am scared not to do anything cause he could slip away for good....
