Dealing with a complex MLC and/or Wayward Wife

[P_Jam]

Another Stander,
Thanks for you comments/questions!

She did not know at the time. It may have been my writing that confused you... but I disclosed my infidelity when I informed her that I knew her truth. It is where I made my line in the sand in regards to our relationship and that I didn't want anymore secrets and wanted to build a new relationship. Therefore, her original indiscretion is not revenge. However, the random hookup and acceleration of WW may be due to this new found information?

I totally agree, I know that these action in large me still trying to control the situation. The hot/cold passive aggression is also just the natural process as i began to unfold the different sets of information as well as discover DB and different 'strategies' based on my roller coaster of emotions. It was the WW "tough love" that helped me decide that she needed to move out. She was not working on the relationship while living in the house (felt like cake eating) and continued to lie and cheat. I wholeheartedly agree that asking her to move out was in part to teach her a lesson, but also to provide the opportunity of a "loss" as Sandi2 has suggested is necessary. Furthermore, when I found out about her original PA I did tell there that I would not allow that while living under this roof, she agreed. She broke that boundary/rule so I asked her to move out.. but the caveat is that she does not know I know she broke that rule. So I'm wondering if/when I should disclose that or not.

I know I need to do whats best for me (but I"m not sure yet what that is yet). I am working GAL, getting back into golf hanging with my friends, back in the gym, and spending a lot of time with my kids. Although my motives are off (still controlling) I guess I'm faking it until I make it. Trying to do my best to help break the 'fog' and create loss before she moves out in 3 weeks. Which is when I'll be forced to stop snooping (I'm hoping to let go before she leaves) but it's the hardest think I've every done, trying not to continue to snoop and figure out how bad this gets. I think a part of me hopes that I will get more information and reach a point where I'm just not interested in R.

Yes I have red DV.