However, there are few differences in mine - that so far make it a little unique.
Each situation is unique, yet they almost all have a lot of commonalities as well, including yours. OK so you know you have a lying cheater on your hands. Unfortunately you have been as well, one thing you neglected to mention is if W knew about it at the time or did you just recently disclose that to her? The reason I ask is if you told her before, that may have been the beginning of the end. It is extremely difficult (sometimes even impossible) to rebuild trust after something like that. She may see her current actions as "getting back at you". Of course that is a poor way of handling it, but WAS's minds work in strange ways.
One thing I would suggest is to stop the snooping. Once you know you've got a lying cheater on your hands then there's really no point in continuing to snoop. Snooping will just drive her farther undercover with her activities. It gets increasingly difficult to find things out and as you get more desperate in your snooping you will leave a trail of crumbs and she will see it and be even more resentful.
Quote
Thoughts? Did I do too much to fast?
Well, yeah I think you're trying to control a situation that's out of your control and you've been very hasty in your actions. Very hot and cold. One minute you're trying to beg and plead with her and the next you're telling her to hit the road and don't look back. You can imagine what kind of message you're sending to her. That said, she's a wayward and tough love is about the only thing that has any impact on them, so I don't disagree with your asking her to leave.
Quote
It feels like the right moves for a MLC/WW as she seems to be in fantasy land and the only way to lift the fog is to let her go and see if the grass is actually greener.
Yes, but you can't do things hoping for that kind of a reaction from her. Don't kick her out to "wake her up" or "teach her a lesson", you have to do things because they are what is right for YOU and the kids without concern with how it impacts her.
Quote
Now, as I said, i'm still completely attached emotionally.
