I am glad that what little adivce I can come up with helps. But please don't but to much stock on what I say. All I can do is give you my take on things and hope it helps and not harms what you are doing.
As for letting H have it because of staying out all night drinking. I belive you are in the right. You have to but your son frist.
Quote: (I think that if I cheat on him, it will give him justifcation to leave me completely- he still doesn't understand why I still love him after he has betrayed me).
I think that is normal for the one who cheated to feel. I know my H has siad he would understand if I slept with someone else. And every now and then he asks me why do I keep trying to hold our M together. All I can tell him that I am following my heart, and not my head. My heart tells my to try to learn to get past this because I still love him. My head tells me to take him for everything he has, so the OW won't get anything.
Quote: He is in such denial about her. I am getting really scared that he will just get closer and closer to her.
This to is noraml (I think). When I strat to get really scared that H is geting closer to OW and farther away form me. I try to pull back. Do something nice for myslef that makes me feel better about me. And I come here and read others post. Try to think of something that might help someone esle and take my mind off of my problems. Somethimes I come across something here, that another went tru, that helps me.
Quote: I am scared that we will have to destroy everything we have worked so hard for and hurt so many people, just so he can see that I am not what makes him unhappy.
I am scared that once we actually take it to the next level (making separation official, tell our families/friends, work out financial details etc...) that too much damage will be done and we won't beable to get back together regardless.
I belive that is one of the reasons DR is written to help you work on yourslef. One of the main tings is to strat doing things for you. Make yourself stronger. So if it comes to that you will bend but not break.
Quote: 1. I know that if I make him leave our house, he won't last a week. He gets homesick all the time, even on our honeymoon, he missed his mom and our son so much. (but then he may resent me for making him leave)
2. I could leave for a week or so. I threatened this a few times and he always stops me, saying he would miss me too much, that he needs to be my friend and comfort me etc... (maybe he won't miss me too much cause then he will spend ALL his time with OW, justifying his happiness with her)
3. We chould continue living together as we do, but how do I act:
a) Do I detach and not spend much time with him, go out a lot and just act as though I am a border/roommate? (I am afraid if I do this he will get used to it and be happy that I am moving on and letting him off the 'guilt' hook. This will make the effects of an LRT harder won't it?)
OR
b) Do I continue to spend a lot of time with him, acting as a friend? continue to ML, take showers, kiss and be loving towards him without mentioning OW (acting as if). (If I do this, I am afraid nothing will change and we will be in limbo land forever)
I think that maybe you need to spend time with H. But set boundies, Maybe not as much ML or cuddling. Try to contect with out being physical
Try to be friends agien. Do things together, like watch movies, play card games. Find something other than son, OW, work, (life in genral to talk about). Try to think of things you would talk to a friend about and try and talk to H aobut theam. See how that works.
Even if you spend time with H. Also take a small break form H and do things for you. And I would leave, but that is just me.
