thanks for the advice kitkat, you are helping me stay focused.
When I got home I told him that I can't believe that he called in sick to be with her. He replied that he called in sick because he was hungover. I said yes, because you were OUT DRINKING WITH HER!! I asked why he said he didn't want our son to know that he is out all night, but then continues to do it? I told him that a judge wouldn't think he was a responsible parent considering that he goes out drinking all night 3 times a week. (we have custody issues with his biological parents - they would love to know what he is doing...) Anyways, it was hard to stay mad cause he kept agreeing with me, (it's like he was d'bing!) he said he won't go out late on the weeknights or on the weekends we have our son at home. I said okay, but you have said this before. He kept hugging and kissing me. He also said I was the love of his life (WTF). Then he said how beautiful I look now, that he can't believe all the changes I made now that we are 'finishing'. (I almost cried at that).
I told him that I have to go to the store. He didn't want me to leave, he said he doesn't want me to be angry at him. I told him that if he acts responsibly then I won't be mad. He kept asking me if I had a date? I said what if I do? He then said with who? I said I am not telling him anything cause he doesn't tell me what he is doing. He asked me if I had kissed anyone else? I said none of your business. He then said that if I wanted to date someone it was fine cause we were separated. But he wouldn't drop it. Kept asking me. Finally I said that he is assuming I am going out on a romantic date with a guy, when really I am just going with my female friend. Then he kept asking why I let him assume that I was dating. I said because you keep asking me. He told me that I don't need to tell him anything, but if I sleep with someone to let him know????
(I think that if I cheat on him, it will give him justifcation to leave me completely- he still doesn't understand why I still love him after he has betrayed me).
Anyways he kept hugging and kissing me, his cell phone rang, I said oh, that must be your bitch. I tried to grab the phone and he took it and put it on the shelf. He asked me if I wanted to talk to OW? I said I had a few things to say to her, but that I didn't need to, she would get what she deserved eventually. He said what did I mean by that? Did I think that the two of them wouldn't work out? I replied that I had already told him he doesn't have a future with her, but that he needed to figure that out for himself - it wasn't my problem. He got mad and asked me if I thought he was going to break up with her soon and then come back to me? I said no, that I don't know what's going to happen. But I said that if their relationship didn't work out, it didn't mean ours would instead.
I know that this was very bad d'bing. I am going to back off again. I told him that I wasn't going to fight over this with him anymore UNLESS he starts being irresponsible again.
He is in such denial about her. I am getting really scared that he will just get closer and closer to her. I know that in the long run they will not work out because his family will not accept her, (they told me they want to kill her.) Also, my MIL and son will always live with my H. Can you imagine the stress of living with someone that despises you? There are other factors too, such as financial stress - he cannot come close to the lifestyle we have now on his salary (even if she adds hers).
The problem is that this could take years for him to figure out. We would have to divorce, sell the house etc... for him to fully realize what life without me means, and to see that once the partying is over, being with OW is not so good afterall.
I am scared that we will have to destroy everything we have worked so hard for and hurt so many people, just so he can see that I am not what makes him unhappy.
I am scared that once we actually take it to the next level (making separation official, tell our families/friends, work out financial details etc...) that too much damage will be done and we won't beable to get back together regardless.
I know I am getting ahead of myself, that I need to take it one day at a time.
How can I make him see what the reality of life without me is, without actually wrecking all that we have built together? His mom and our son will still stay in our house regardless of who leaves (she said she won't leave with him or live with her). These are the possible scenarios:
1. I know that if I make him leave our house, he won't last a week. He gets homesick all the time, even on our honeymoon, he missed his mom and our son so much. (but then he may resent me for making him leave)
2. I could leave for a week or so. I threatened this a few times and he always stops me, saying he would miss me too much, that he needs to be my friend and comfort me etc... (maybe he won't miss me too much cause then he will spend ALL his time with OW, justifying his happiness with her)
3. We chould continue living together as we do, but how do I act:
a) Do I detach and not spend much time with him, go out a lot and just act as though I am a border/roommate? (I am afraid if I do this he will get used to it and be happy that I am moving on and letting him off the 'guilt' hook. This will make the effects of an LRT harder won't it?)
OR
b) Do I continue to spend a lot of time with him, acting as a friend? continue to ML, take showers, kiss and be loving towards him without mentioning OW (acting as if). (If I do this, I am afraid nothing will change and we will be in limbo land forever)
