I think the way he does manage his emotions is to shut down, but that is a really unhealthy way of dealing with them. And you're right, he's not really properly able to contribute to our relationship or to connect with the kids. He has literally distanced himself from the people he loves the most in the world, and this has happened more and more over the years. But I think if he breaks up his marriage it will destroy him, I really do. He is a very loyal person and I can't imagine him being happy if he divorced me. Whereas I think I would get over it eventually and would use what I've learnt in a new relationship. In a way I feel like he needs me more than I need him, which is funny given he's the one who left!
Good question on what a future marriage would look like, I need to think about that though I've kind of discussed it with my IC. More intimacy. More affection. Plenty of sex. Doing things together and spending time together. No criticism. Better communication. In a funny way we are working towards the last 3 on that list and he IS making those changes, but I think the first 3 are more important to me and not possible to do when he is still so protected and living elsewhere...In a way I feel like I need to show him some vulnerability in order for him to do the same, that will be difficult for me particularly to do it in a way where I'm not overwhelmed with emotions and scary to him. Maybe I'll discuss that with my IC next week, he's keen to discuss my habit of running away when I'm upset and how to deal with that...
I extended the deadline to next Thursday, this stuff is taking lots longer than I thought. So I'd better get on with it, I will have to work a bit at the weekend too to finish it. I'm going to Zumba later which I'm looking forward to. I went swimming yesterday and thought how far I've come since I went swimming a few months ago and would cry in the pool and feel thankful that nobody noticed because my face was wet anyway. I used to cry at the end of Zumba when they played a sad song, but I haven't done that in a while. Progress
