LF, you don't know me, but I'm an "oldtimer" in Piecing. There's a couple of things I want to relay to you right now that I hope will help. I know you're reacting all over the place, but you need to play real smart right now to save your marraige. Don't let him push your buttons. The OW is desperately trying to hang onto him and he's trying to extricate himself. Be an attractive alternative to the BS she is pulling! You KNOW this man. You know what made him fall in love with you in the first place and he needs to be reminded of those qualities.
His anger and blame is caused by a couple of things. First, don't let his dragging out a garbage bag full of complaints about every little thing he's ever been peeved about in your marraige. Listen and validate (you might pick up some usefull information about his needs) but don't accept blame in your own mind.
In order to have an A in the first place, most people have to start rewriting the history of their marraige in a negative way. It's a way to rationalize what they are doing that is a violation of themselves, their marraige, their family, their morals and values, and their love for their spouse! It's a handy little mental magic trick...but it doesn't take long after a decision to reconcile for them to realize they were demonizing their LBS in order to justify having an A.
You're H is probably also feeling guilty and ashamed and projecting it onto you because he's in fight or flight mode right now.
It's all very typical "A" behavior, so try not to take 90% of the negative things he says to heart right now.
If you want to save your M, you have to play smart and stratagize like you are a General at war right now! Use the DBing principals like your handbook.
