It's hard, isn't it? Because he isn't responsible for your emotions, but he is responsible for half of the relationship, and his own emotions and healing the way his childhood trauma shows up in his adult life, and half of the parenting, and his own relationships with his children, and it sounds like he hasn't got the ability to manage his own emotions never mind contribute to a relationship, adequately emotionally connect with his children, or take responsibility for ending the relationship. That puts you in a limbo, but it also means you can concentrate on your own emotions, your own relationships with the children, and your decisions about what and when and how to go forward.
Today isn't the day for me to do it - but I think what I want to do soon is think about what changes I want to see from H. What I'd want a future R to look like, if there is one. I want to make my own 180s for myself regardless of what he does or decides - and while I hope they will have a positive effect on our situation, I want to keep them up for myself because they will benefit me no matter what happens in the future. But if he does turn around in a few months - like your H might, once he work stuff settles down - and decides he would like to R - I expect I will be a bit ahead of him in terms of development and 180s and stuff like that. Which means it is really important for me to take this time to understand what I want and need and what I am not willing to accept. I'm not in a place to do that today, but I would like to devote some time to it over the next few weeks. Have you thought about that too? I know you weren't happy in your M either, and that you're determined not to brush things under the carpet if and when he decides he wants to R. What kind of things would you be needing him to address and make changes on?
I hope you have a nice time with your H tomorrow. Do you have a work deadline today? Hope you're full steam ahead with your work. I'm working at home today too, but will get out on my work this morning to blow some of this bad feeling and cobwebs away before I start.
