I think you have absolutely nailed it there. He reacts really strongly whenever I get upset, I was talking with my IC about how to ask for what I need when I'm upset so maybe this is a conversation I need to have when things are calm. I think he is utterly terrified of abandonment, but I don't really know what I can do about that, particularly when he won't discuss it except in the context of an R talk which is usually full of emotions. He did say during one R talk that he'd 'been abandoned all his life' which seemed like a clue to what the root of all this is. Sigh.
We haven't discussed what to say to the kids, early on I was fairly insistent that we needed to talk to them but he refused and then things just slid and so we never did, I just said that he was having problems and that he had stuff to sort out in his head. Which is true. He definitely left that up to me, he has never talked to the kids about it. He's not good at talking about emotions, that's for sure! And yes the denial, he's definitely keeping me at arms length, it is so frustrating. Maybe he really is confused. Well, I'm sure he is. I don't know, I feel a bit exhausted just thinking about what might be going on in his head when he gives me so little information. I will just try to focus on my work today and hope that we enjoy our time together tomorrow. If he's staying till early evening we'll spend a lot of time together, I'd like to make that fairly calm and pleasant.
