I guess I am afraid that this isn't a change. That him saying - and he has said very consistently - he just needs to concentrate on his work for the next couple of months and after that he will put his energy into trying to repair things is just another version of, 'yes, I'd love to spend some time with you tonight. Let me just play on my computer and get drunk until I fall asleep on the sofa, get angry with you if you interrupt me to remind me we have plans, and in the morning when you're disappointed tell you that if you'd just been a bit nicer and quieter the night before, I'd have WANTED to be with you rather than drunk and on my computer,'
I won't know, will I - if this is just him doing another version of that. And that in a few months when his work project is over, he'll carry on with some other excuse why he's not ready to actually deal with this, or he'll decide that this months-long audition he seems to be running means that he's decided, in fact, not to bother - and I could have moved on in this time rather than waiting for him. It feels like too big a risk, and I am taking it without really any reassurance from him or understanding from him of what he seems to be asking.
I am all in a tangle today so I think I need to get out for another long walk.
