still in limbo.........

[roist]

hello skm,

I'm sorry you are feeling frustrated and feel you may do something you later regret. It is wise and healthy to bounce your thoughts around here amongst your peers, before taking action.

Looking back on my own situation and others I have followed in that time, I have learned that often when we FEEL that we MUST do something, that it is often not the right thing to do. Often it is fuelled by negative emotions/feelings that we do not control and decisions taken in that mindframe are often a reaction as opposed to a decision congruent with your inner self.

Ye are separated already, so I wonder what is it you cannot do now that you need to give up on him to do. Apart from meeting someone else (which you do not seem near ready for), you can live the life you want to live. Concentrate on that. Take a long look at how you are living and concentrate on taking the steps needed to make it AWESOME.

If you manage that, you are in a perfect position whether reconciliation happens or not. If H wants to D (or you decide to yourself), you have already a great life in place so you can continue to thrive. On the other hand you thriving now could help ye reconnect as H may see you are not just waiting around for his royal decision. Plus an active happier you is more attractive, so indirectly could influence him.

However I would be sure that your finances are well in order to not be affected by his overspending. Go down the legal front if necessary.

As for your stance on D, I believe maybe henceforth, you should remain silent (to H) on being against it and wanting to work on M. Maybe even offhandedly state being open to it or maybe it being for the best, BUT don't push it or initiate it. Let him do the work. He has already seen someone and doesn't seem convinced it is the way to go. Unfortunately that doesn't mean he is reconsidering, but for whatever his reason he isn't ready to D.

You can always come back and rethink this yourself. It is often said here that if you ask the question, if it is time to D/give up, you are not there yet. That makes sense to me. I believe when it is time, you will know.

Finally a brief word about the issue with his parents. It does seem frustrating. But you said you wanted to work on it after ye were better. If you are willing to do that later, why not now? For him it is a barrier. He may well find another one if that was resolved but still. Matbe look deeper into the issue and figure out what exactly is the problem for you and then identify what can resolve those issues for you. If you cannot change a situation, you are forced to change yourself - Gandi.

To get to the root of your issues, keep asking yourself why. Why does it bother me so much? When you answer that, reask why. Continue until the bare truth is revealed. This exercise can be helpful, but takes effort and honesty.

But again, being separated, his parents and the related issues are surely not an issue for the moment. I would still think about it but no need to stress. I would follow OneArts advice about working on resentment and anger. Those will not serve you well

Hope some of that is helpful

Best wishes