We have an arrangement for me to go meet him one evening a week and then we discuss ahead of time what we'll do, he usually takes the lead on that because he likes suggesting things and then I'll usually book a table or activity. It feels friendly now we've relaxed a bit. One thing dh said during our last horrible 'I don't know if I want to be married' conversation was that he has always enjoyed spending time with me. He also has very little social life outside work, but that's because his work consumes so much of his time and energy. Moving closer to work has given him more time but maybe only enough to recover better from his job rather than enough to GAL. He is still very tired, he does't tend to sleep well anyway and work will continue to be really busy until the end of the month. I told my IC that I wasn't sure dh's job is compatible with him being married, I'm still not sure about that. Maybe dh isn't either, but he feels very entangled in his job.
Ds1: he's been the one most affected I think but I try not to think about it too much because there's not much I can do about it. In any case, he just got a girlfriend and is trying to get a job and is working hard at college, so he has plenty of life stuff going on so I don't think it's too traumatic for him. They barely saw dh before anyway, he'd come home, watch tv for an hour and go to bed early. Then he was too tired to do much with them most weekends. So they probably see him more now (sometimes I think I do too). I did take him to lunch yesterday, I try to do that most weeks. I don't know what they make of dh's behaviour, they don't know about the 'not knowing about wanting to be married' bit but they know he's not around and if they suspected an affair they could easily check that out at his flat (unlike me who has still never been there). They almost certainly think it's odd that I've not been there. I told them that he's having problems coping with work and that he has some big life decisions to make about his future, they think that he should quit his job but then again they've always been a bit horrified by how hard he has to work and how stressed and angry it makes him. I think they're just confused by the fact that he's not living at home right now, but that I see him one night a week, so maybe they think we're just trying to work things out. I don't know. If I have raised the subject they don't really want to talk about it, but then ds1 rarely talks anyway, having a conversation with him is like pulling teeth!
I feel really impatient this morning, I really want some physical affection. But I'll have to be patient for now, hopefully April will bring changes.
