I briefly skimmed the paperwork.....W wants joint custody, but if I read it correctly, I would get every other weekend, and Wednesday through Friday—which is I believe what she originally threatened me with, and what she believes she will get.
Also, because of breastfeeding, W wants ‘sole physical custody at this time, with generous visitation to Respondent.’
Just ugh.....At first, I felt fine, but the more I think about it, and look through it, the sicker I feel. Like someone kicked me in the stomach. I feel terrible—that I did this to our family (I know...own only my stuff or my side of the street, but man this hurts, and I’m speaking from a place of relative hurt right now). I don’t want to lose my kids like this—I know I won’t totally lose them, but I don’t want to be deprived of as much time as she’s asking for. Luckily, my L previously said that the courts generally start at joint custody, and try to equalize visitation as much as possible. I also know first rule of negotiation is asking for more than you want....so this is probably what she is doing.
I am so, so glad that I followed L’s and Twofeet’s advice to do a custody / care log: I have about 2 months of posts about everything I do / have done for the boys. Hopefully that will help me.
I do take some consolation in reading through other posts, and some screenshots that I took of other threads / quotes from the last few months I’ve been on here.....and one thing I’m glad I came back across is the idea of ‘I only want to be with someone who wants to be with me.’ Clearly, right now she doesn’t. Hopefully some day I will find that person...in time. But now I need to get through this.
What’s good is that my mental attitude up until about 2 hours ago was overall really good. GAL going okay enough—hockey game was excellent, and I penciled in a concert with John Legend my undergrad alumni chapter has at the Hollywood Bowl in June. Been much much better about exercising—met with Running Club a couple of times each week for the last couple of weeks, but this week has been about swimming. I asked for access to the pool, and I went swimming Monday, Tuesday, today (Thursday), and will look to do so at the end of the day on Friday. With respect to the Italy trip I mentioned earlier, I’ve heard there very well could be a spot for me, so I’ll continue to check on that. Soccer league was a washout (figuratively)—it didn’t happen, so will look to do softball a little later this spring.
Work has been going okay enough—backed up on grading and letters of rec for some students. Passed my last performance evaluation in mid-February with flying colors—met with my immediate boss (dept. chair) about it briefly on Tuesday morning. This year is my 5th year teaching—and I will get a plaque for that at the end of this year. My dept. chair didn’t even realize it was 5 years for me until I mentioned it. I’ve just been feeling better about my interactions with co-workers—being more attentive and involved with them. Trying validation with some people and some of my students: Girls lacrosse match? Ask the coach and my student-athletes—“tell me about the lacrosse match,” and I would do the same for my students who swim “tell me about the swim meet.” Progress is being made on making myself a better person, and trying to be AMOAFWL.
