Ok, another OD update. This one is rather interesting in its own way. Sorry it is long. May be the last one for a bit.
I haven't had any communication with OD since the last visit. OD texted S every day that he was working (the week he doesn't see S), and then slowed on the texting at the beginning of the week once he was off. He texted a few days ago saying he was looking forward to seeing S, so we assumed he would show. I gather he texted S at school asking what time he should be picked up.
Since our January talk he has been picking S up at school and then coming here to get S's vehicle so S could practice driving. Today they didn't come here after school. I checked S's tracker to make sure he got picked up and they were driving around the downtown of the town where we live (more on this in a bit).
About 45 minutes later than usual they showed up to get the vehicle. S came in the house. He can't find his wallet. S is notoriously bad about looking for things. I start to go down the stairs to the first floor. S stops me on the stairs. What are you doing, where are you going, he's out there. I said I don't care that he is out there, I'm going to look in your car and mine for your wallet. I said I refuse to act weird around him and you should not either.
I go outside and look in the vehicle (he is parked behind it waiting to pull into that space). I can't find the wallet in S's car. I stop by the passenger window. OD is pretending not to see me. I motion to roll down the window. He does. I say S has lost his wallet, we are looking for it, he'll be out in a bit. He laughs, smiles at me, is being somewhat flirty. He says something about S's age. I then tell him a funny story about something else S lost earlier in the week. He is smiling, communicating nicely, looking me in the eye. I go in the garage and meet S at the back of my car. We find the wallet in a bag in my trunk. I go back inside and they leave.
I had told the only person I talk to IRL about this stuff that I thought while OD got a rush from seeing S again, that I didn't expect it to last long. It is an hour drive, there never seems to be a plan, other than S driving around or going to the movies. OD was never that close to S or that interested in S. I just didn't see him sustaining this. I had also said that I had a feeling that he was becoming depressed again because the texts were less chatty, no punctuation or emojis, a bit of a downer.
S came back about 2 hours later. I say how did it go. He said he was pretty depressed and not really talking. OD told S he was sick. I said sick in what way, a cold? I didn't hear a cold on him at all. S said yes. I said did you tell him that you now have your activity on the day of the week you were seeing him and can't see him next time on that day. S said yes and that S suggested Saturdays. OD seemed nonplussed about the change, said that might work and that S would have to be flexible (you know because since he works 7 days on and 7 off, that is OW2's time and all).
I asked if S told OD that he was recruited to the Olympic development team for his sport (which you would think a father might see as a big deal, especially since it bodes well for college recruiting--this is a big college sport). S said OD didn't seem that excited. I asked if he asked about S's homework, and S said yes, which is good since that was the topic last time.
Now OD hates, hates, hates our town. Every time the name of our town comes up, he says how much he hates this town and our house. He lived here 30 days before I kicked him out because of the ongoing affair with OW1 (we had moved from 3 hours away). This is the swanky suburb of a major city. It is the place where pro ballers live, tech executives, etc. Our house is on the edge of the downtown area of our town. S attends school on the far outer edge of the next town over. Generally OD and S hang out in the town where his school is and never go past our house (which is near the freeway) to go to the downtown of our town. If that makes sense. I said to S, did you drive his vehicle after school? He said no OD drove him. I said why were you driving around the downtown of our town (I told him I wondered what was keeping them and checked the tracker). He said I don't know. He just drove there and was driving all around. I said did he criticize the town when you were driving around? S said no. This is literally a first.
I asked S if anything else happened during the outing. S said he asked OD to come to a race for his sport this weekend that is in the major city. OD told him he would think about it. I thought that was odd (but then I can't picture OD being willing to face the parents and coaches that know he is out of the picture). S said OD told him that he expected S to take good care of S's vehicle (recall OD at first wanted no part of purchasing this vehicle, but then gave me half the money for it less than an hour later). He told S that he expected said vehicle to be clean and waxed at all times. It is a low mileage 4 year old utility vehicle that came to S with a few dents and scrapes. Why does OD care about this?
OD also mentioned drinking a certain kind of alcohol (much harder than beer or cider). Recall this is a guy who never, ever drank until he was 48. S said he mentioned it several times, as though waiting for S to respond. S finally said, why are you talking to me about drinking? My whole life you told me how bad drinking is. OD said, "things change." S says he shot back, "yes, sometimes for the worse." That shut OD up.
So, another unusual visit. OD didn't try to get out of it, but was depressed and had no plan. He tried to ignore me, but was friendly and flirty. He seems to care about S's vehicle. Still trying to be a dad about homework. He seems to be more interested in our town. We are now back to no definitive plan to see S. I doubt he will come to the race. Poor S. I told him I thought this was part of dad's process. Has nothing to do with him. And will probably get worse before it gets better.
I think telling S about the drinking was a message for me. Similar to the prior gun talk. He knows I am a lifelong teetotaler and would be angry with him being pro drinking to my children. I think this was either to get me to explode on him, or test to see if I am accepting of what he has been doing. I don't plan to say anything to him. I think S handled it perfectly.
