Hello all..........It’s been a while since I’ve posted, but I have been reading/keeping up pretty consistently on everyone’s threads. I’ve been having some thoughts recently and thought I would reach out for some advice.
To catch everyone up on my sitch ....... BD was November 2015. Kicked him out the day I found out. I filed for divorce May 2016, but he never signed the papers. We ended up going to an infidelity retreat in June 2016. Things were good for about six weeks and then he panicked and left. Did not really speak with him or have much contact with him until February 2017 when I decided to sell our home. During that time he was very helpful with trying to get the home ready.
We actually reconnected and decided to work on things because he had been to a self help forum known as Landmark Forum and he knew there was things that he needed to make better between the two of us. We saw each other pretty regularly up until November 2017 when he asked me to move in with him in his new place. Things were going well for a couple months and then around February 2018 he said he didn’t know if he could continue to move forward with things between the two of us because I did not want to have a relationship with his parents. They had always been a big issue in our marriage because even though he was a grown man he still couldn’t make a decision without consulting with them first.
I moved into the spare room around that time and basically stayed there until I moved out in November 2018. Unfortunately one of our two dogs got sick rather quickly and passed away in November 2018. H did not handle this well at all! She was diagnosed with cancer, and we had decided the best thing would be to put her to sleep. He had a very difficult time with the news and unfortunately he held onto her longer than what was probably in her best interest and in my eyes she may have suffered when she didn’t need to. We eventually had to put her to sleep.
The very next day after we put her to sleep, he said he was having a difficult time working on himself with me being in the house so he asked me to leave. He had been going to see and IC weekly. So I packed my things and I took our remaining dog with me and moved into a hotel for six weeks. I ended up finding a place to stay and that is where me and my dog are currently living.
H and I do not speak. We have probably had two conversations on the telephone and a handful of text messages, which usually involve the dog, since I moved out.
I don’t really know much about his life, but I do know he continues to spend money he really doesn’t have. As part of an agreement we made when I first found out about his cheating, I would keep him on my health insurance plan and he pays my car insurance and my cell phone bill. I still have access to his banking account so I am able to see how much money he has, and how much he has racked up on his credit card.
I’ve tried to GAL as best as I can, probably could do better. I’ve taken several trips with the dogs, and on my own. Spent time with my family. Working way too much though!!
I found myself wondering when is it time to give up? We don’t have a relationship, we don’t communicate, the only thing we share is the same last name. I told him the last time I spoke with him that I didn’t deserve to be treated how he was treating me and that moving forward I would not be contacting him any further. He reached out to me after that to spend time with the dog. He kept him for a couple days, and when I picked him up, he sent me a very long text message thanking me for letting him spend time with him and said that he would like to do that regularly if it was OK with me. He has not reached out since that time and that was the end of January. I have since learned that he has spent over $1000 to get a new puppy.
I found myself needing to come here because I remember so many times reading how important it was to come to the board first and asked for opinions or advice before doing something. And, since I felt like I was going to either pick up the phone and call him or send him a nasty email, and I didn’t want to do that, I we came here instead.
I’m looking for advice, opinions, 2x4s or whatever anyone thinks will help.
