What a great trip! Kids and I bonded, and they bonded with my sister and their grandma and grandpa. I had a long discussion with my sister and dad (separate times) about my sitch. They do not know the dirty secrets, just that H is in a bad way and lost/depressed, whatever. My sister commented how my new found faith shows. I had a friend say something similar to me last night, that I seem to be peaceful.
I am way past my 9 days of my Trust novena that Gerda and I were doing. I have decided to continue it. There were many days I prayed it 2 or 3 times. Perhaps that is one reason why I feel like I’ve turned a corner. That, and time, I guess. The sting isn’t so bad now. I still have moments where I want to tell H exactly what I know, and my stomach churns and the butterflies take over. I think at some point I probably will, but not in a way to intentionally damage him further. I’m still praying about it.
STD test completed today. I’m not worried about it, but I’m glad it’s done. I’ll get the results in a week. I told them to test for absolutely everything! The only thing they couldn’t do was HPV, but that was part of my routine pap about 1 ½ years ago, so not too worried about it.
I haven’t heard from H in a week. I think this is the longest we have gone since he left without contact about something. Maybe that’s partly why I feel more calm. I went into FB a few times to check on some posts about my bible study. I confess that I peeked at his FB page. He posted 3 things that made me think he MIGHT be doing a bit more deep thinking. One was about despair. I will let him continue his journey. He’s off tomorrow, and taking the kids out to lunch. I will be at work, so no chance of seeing him. The kids seem to be looking forward to it. I have them until Sunday afternoon, then back to school to finish the semester. They aren’t coming home for Easter, so I might do road trip to take them out for Easter dinner. Maybe I’ll even invite H.
Tomorrow I see my 2nd attorney. She is much closer than the first. I hope I like her. I don’t think I will be taking any action now, but want to know I have someone to use when the time is right.
I’ve got some catching up to do on everyone, and maybe this weekend I’ll be able to find a bit of time. I think about you all, and pray for peace for everyone. I
