Clinging to Hope

[hope2019]

@Flysolo

Thank you that was all so helpful. I think me going away and now it's a work trip, so it can be twisted all he wants, is terrifying to me but also for me to prove to myself that I can do this as soon I will have no choice but to do this and it allows me to make my life about me again...not being at home to see if he is going to try to talk and I can attempt to validate.

I'm trying to be optimistic and think if after last night's convo and then me being away it pushes him further away then hopefully I will keep going in the direction where I can let him go.

M anxiety and depression has been terrible throughout this, at times I have been scarily suicidal, so the thought of being in that hotel room by myself for a few nights is really scary but also better than being at home by myself I guess.


I am certain of one thing, this divorce will signify the end of us, I know myself well enough to know that I won't be able to forgive that or trust him again not to hurt me or D6, she is so, so crushed by this. I really hope he returns to the IC but he doesn't seem to be making that a priority at all, just getting overweight, spiraling into debt and booking as many boys trips as he can.