- really struggling to do the happy, nice part of LRT. I seem to get stuck in cold and no contact so really need to work ok that.
Many of us struggle with this. I am over a year in (and yes, limbo s*cks) and I still don't always get the balance right. I find that when my emotions are closer to the surface or when my energies are low, I pull back - abrupt closed responses, very little eye contact. I struggle less when I am feeling positive - he has less power over me and therefore the need to protect myself isn't as strong and I am able to do the 'friendly neighbor' thing. When I manage it I try and think of him like someone I have lift conversations with - weather, trains - nothing personal.
Originally Posted by hope2019
Came home last night to discover he has booked yet another trip, left this morning until Sunday for another weekend in Vegas. It really rubbed me the wrong way.
Right now, it is all about him. He can't see past his own need to escape. He is not thinking of anyone else's feelings. I know it is hard, but there is no point getting annoyed or asking how many more trips there will be. There will be more trips away before you finally decide you've had enough, or he discovers that the rainbows he has been chasing are just that, rainbows. Find ways to occupy your mind, keep busy, work on you. This is all you have. The truth of it will come out. There is no need to push or to pry. It just will.
Originally Posted by hope2019
This morning he text me from the airport and said I’m sorry for all the crappy decisions I’m making lately. I guess I’m trying to be out of sight, out of mind. I don’t have much to say but will think about what you said last night.
There is a saying here (you've probably heard it) - believe nothing they say and only half of what they do, or "words are cheap". He feels bad about what he's doing to write you a text saying he feels bad, but not so bad that he isn't going to give up a weekend in Vegas?. Just giving enough to maintain hope but not enough to make you believe things have changed. I don't want to mind read but to me, this is wanting to keep you in limbo, make sure you're still there waiting in case he decides he has made a mistake.
Originally Posted by hope2019
what are the thoughts on me going away for the week (stay in a friends spare room) leaving a note saying, needed some time and space please feed the pets, and then being away for 5 or 6 nights. I would hope it will help reality set in for him that he can’t just keep going on these trips and maybe he will then have an opportunity to miss me and not just be distracted by another trip. I’m lost on this one.
I am with AS. It would not change anything. If he is anything like my H when he was going through the worst of it (and running away a lot) everything I did just reinforced his belief that I was not the person he married/thought I was. I went out (I was obvs tarting around, neglecting the kids, or I was being manipulative), I stayed home (I was miserable, boring, being manipulative), I joined a gym (too little too late, I was getting myself ready for when I was properly single, I was being manipulative), I quit smoking (too little too late, I was being manipulative), I got ill (I wasn't looking after myself, being manipulative). Right now, your H needs to think the worst of you and everything you do will be twisted so that you come out looking bad. So, having said that, if you want to take a few days out to center yourself, gain some perspective or space, or just a little breathing room, then do it. He will think badly of you. But he would do that no matter what you do.
