Settling In (LB55 Thread 3)

[LB55]

I read through some emails I saved from last year while deployed, saying how much she trusts me, how she can't imagine a relationship without me, how moving forward in our life and relationship after the military is going to be amazing, how good of a dad I have been, how she is so lucky to have found someone that took her in even with her history of issues, she can't imagine what life would be like if we hadn't met, etc.

Don't read that stuff, it'll mess with your mind. No mind can process how things can so quickly from her being loving and doting to treating you like a leper. It makes no sense, and the more you read old stuff and walk down memory lane, the more confused you will be. And the more convinced you will become that this is just a hiccup and if you say or do the right thing she will snap out of it. But she won't, not anytime soon. Time and space are all you can give her right now, and you need to give it to her in abundance.

With the recent string of emails, she has been using just the first letter of my name to address me, and the first letter of her name to sign off. Its something we did during that year of deployment; kind of a term of endearment that nobody else could use and we both knew what the other meant. I have been reluctant to start that again, and continue to use the whole first name for both of us. It has a lot of emotional meaning to me when I use just a first letter. I don't know if it still holds meaning to her or not. Trying to not read into it but its difficult.

This isn't unusual. WAS's can sometimes start out really vile and mean and angry, then when you remove all pressure and they realize that you're not going to try to cling to them or stop the D from happening then they don't feel the need to be mean anymore. She's getting what she wants so there's no need for that. But be careful because if you start pressuring her then she will go right back to being a mean girl.

I told her I won't bring up any R talk and I intend to not do that. I am worried that she might and I need to be ready to just listen and validate as appropriate without any venting of frustration or hurt back towards her. I can do it.

Yes, good. Yes you can do it, you are well-informed now on how to deal with it.

However I am still waiting for that next time I get stabbed in the back as soon as I let my guard down.

I doubt you will be turning your back to her anymore (figuratively speaking).

Yes I know I am taking a trip down memory lane and shouldn't do that. Haven't done that in a while, and need to get back on that horse again. It does lead to this confusion, and I can't let that cloud my mind.

I won't be applying any sort of pressure, only making sure I keep myself in check while making sure that she knows where the line is that shouldn't be crossed.

Thanks for the affirmation, I can do this. I have missed my motorcycle and it is a good component of GAL for me moving forward. Something I can do by myself of with others, meet new people, and even contribute to charity or good causes through group rides and things. It will be pleasant for more than just a better parking spot at work.