My H was distant tonight, but not cold, I didn't push him for anything, a few times he hugged and kissed me. He made a comment about our child and I started to tear up, he grabbed me and kissed me and said sorry. I don't know why he makes these comments he knows will make me sad. I think he wants to assure himself that I still care. Anyways he went out again tonight. Probably with her, I didn't comment, just kissed him goodbye and went back to the tv. He told me that tommorow we could go see a movie if I wanted to. I said sure.
Anyways, I think I should take a look at the progress I have and have not made.
3 months ago (dropped the bomb out of the blue)
He wanted a divorce, he was confident that we would not end up together so what was the use. He focused on all the negative things about our relationship. Wasted a lot of money going out. Started seeing OW. Told me that he thinks he loves her. Told me that we should be separated (but still live in the same house). I was basically the cause of all his problems, OW was someone who he was happy with. Told me to find someone else that loved me the same way.
Today
We are supposedly separated, but we ML, hug, kiss constantly, even though he keeps saying we shouldn't, he always intiates it.
If I tell him that I am going to go away for a while to be by myself, he stops me and says not to leave, that he will miss me too much. He has been fighting with OW, tried to break up with her twice in the past week. Admitted to me that he doesn't think things are going to work between them. When he comes back from being out with her, he holds me and gets teary, says how much he misses me. He gets jealous when I go out. He says that he wishes none of this had happened, that we could go back to the way we were a year ago. Mentions past vacations and fun times we had often. Tells me how beautiful and sexy I look now. Tells me that no one else excites him the way I do. Has told me that I am such a good person, that I am 'perfect'. But then tells me he is scared that he will hate me if he leaves OW for me (he is actually thinking about it now).
Tells me he doesn't want to make a mistake by divorcing me.
Has been spending more time with me and our son. Told his mom that he sees that I am making improvements.
In summary, he realizes that he loves me more than he thought he did, that he can't let go of us so easily. He realized that I am not as bad as he thinks I am, at the same time he realizes that OW is not as good as he thoguht she would be. It's like I have improved in his eyes, and she has dropped a bit. But he still goes out with her, keeps going back to her as she pursues him relentlessly.
I think that he is actually considering coming back to me, but is scared that things will go back to the way it was before, that he will be miserable. He doesn't trust us yet. I see us getting closer, but at the same time he is still infatuated with OW. He actually asked me yesterday if he could have both of us. I replied with a teasing smile NO. Normally I would have told him off, but I realized that at least he actually admits that he still wants me.... it's better then him asking me to let him go....
