Some will go very quiet for a while and then come around act as if nothing has happened. She may be focused on something else, i.e., her new friends, lifestyle, etc. But, I can assure you, you will hear from her when she's good and ready to contact you.
I'm glad you are seeing your I/C today. It helps to have someone to talk to about the situation.
Keep the focus on you and your children and allow the man upstairs to work on your wife.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
We were N/C for the last 3 months then she started coming out from behind the door when I dropped the kids off. She was acting all nice and texting me a lot more, nothing personal it was all about the kids. Now she hasn't said a word to me about anything. This behavior is new for her.
Be patient. She will poke her head out when she's ready. Sometimes they do this to "rope" you back in to see if you are still there waiting for them. Continue as you have been and when she sees that you aren't going to ask her what is up w/her, she'll come out of her hole once again.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I need you to let me know if you are going to do mediation with me. The most inexpensive way to come to an agreement before we move forward with the divorce.
It really shouldn't take long. You are not a resident here until April 4th. The kids and I not until May 18th. I can legally take the kids back to Hawaii anytime before then.
Can we please just agree to meet with a mediator and come to a better financial and custody schedule soon.
I'm fine keeping this schedule until kids are out of school this year. But not after that.
Last edited by job; 03/14/1907:20 PM. Reason: added space between paragraphs
I told you that you would hear from her when she was ready to talk.
Breathe! I would sit on your response for just a wee bit of time. You want to think everything through and reply in a calm voice. I would discuss your options with a lawyer before agreeing to anything. It is important that you are aware of your options and what you can and cannot do, as well as what she can and cannot do.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Get yourself to a lawyer ASAP. That veiled threat that she could take the kids to Hawaii? You need to speak to a lawyer about whether there is anything you can file right now to prevent that.
Mediation can be a good idea - IF the other party is capable of being reasonable. In my divorce, we had a mediator, and then we each had our own personal attorneys that we consulted with on the side. This was important because my own attorney could give me a perspective on what was reasonable and what would be unlikely if we went before a judge.
Do you have some idea of what she is going to be requesting for custody? Maybe she wants to have the kids for the whole summer so she can take them back to her lover in Hawaii? (Or wants YOU to have them for the summer so she can do the same unencumbered by children?) Maybe she wants full custody so she can get maximum child support as financial reality is sinking in for her?
Either way - see your own attorney ASAP, and use them to advise you through the mediation. keep the emotion out of things and just look at it as a business transaction (which it is - a very important business deal).
father5 just wanted to stop by and say hi. i know what you mean about the n/c mine, i think has gone deeper into the tunnel when she was coming round to the house id get a text first but then nothing.. i decided that i would not contact her at all, try and detach so she came to the house whilst i was at work got a few bits and pieces and then nothing again . i think she might be mirroring me but i an determined that i will not contact her for my own peace of mind i have made that promise to myself and stay dark and will not let myself down.the behavior you mention being new to her well mine, when i did see her seems to change behavior like the weather .ive been at this 10 months now since my bd and i have seen multiple different kinds of behavior. i know its hard .stay strong my friend it will get better.
I have the Kids M,W,F and every other Sat. So she has T,T,Sun and every other Sat.
What she would like is, I have M,W and she T,T and we rotate F,S,S which means I would see my kids for T,F,S,S until late Mon afternoon twice a month. That is totally unacceptable to me.
Why is this so unacceptable? I would think it would be nice to have the time be less broken up, and if the longest you go without seeing them is 5 days twice a month (and you in return get them for 5 days twice a month)why is that such a bad thing? Seems like homework etc would be a little easier with her schedule. Plus easier to schedule 5 day adventures. Are you sure you aren't just fighting it to be fighting her? Yes it's rotten not to hve your kids every day but that's the reality of divorce. And don't think you can keep her from going to see OM by trying to tie her down to her schedule. (BTW if you eventually begin dating you may appreciate those long weekends free for romantic endeavors)
I have not had to share custody, as my kids are in college, but I would imagine having the kids every other day is a lot for THEM to handle. You might want to consider larger blocks of time with them. More time to bond. Maybe 5 on, 4 off, or some variation like that? Just a thought. I echo kml. Be sure you are thinking this through and doing whats best for the kids. Ultimately, that's what really counts. Just my 2 cents.
