KitKat, that is a good idea, right now I am kind of disoriented, a lot happened last night....
Well last night I acted normal, went out for groceries, came home and my H and his mother were screaming at each other. I have told her not to bother him, to leave him alone, especially since he is having problems with OW. I don't want him to be stressed out at home. Of course she doesn't listen and starts arguing with him.(MAJOR drama queen) He called me over and told me to tell his mom to mind her own business since she isn't listening to him. I told her that she should stay out of it and that she should just leave him alone. She got mad and kept yelling. Then my H and I went into the room and he started blaming me for it. He said that I must be telling her what is going on. I said that I am not telling her anything, that she is not blind, I can't control her, it's not my fault if she gets involved.
He said fine, that's it, it's over, he said nothing is going to change between us so there is no use waiting for something to happen. I said okay then, I am going to leave for a while. He grabbed me and hugged me. He said lets calm done first.
We lay in bed and he told me that he is afraid that he will hate me if he has to leave OW. I said that he won't hate me, that he will be angry and sad for awhile, but that I would be his friend and be there for him. He asked me if I still have hope for us? I said yes of course, that my heart will always have hope.
He told me he is pissed at his mom, I said she loves him and just doesn't want to see him make a mistake. He said that he doesn't want to make a mistake either. (wow)
He said that he tried to break up with the OW so many times but he can't. I asked him why not? What is it about her that you like so much? He said it's just that she keeps crying and he feels bad and tries to comfort her and then it starts all over again.(stupid whore).
I wanted to say what about my tears? what about my pain?
I wanted to say I told you so - that the longer this goes on, the harder it will be. But I didn't I just listened.
He asked me why everyone is so against him, shouldn't he be allowed to be happy? I said everyone wants you to be happy, but that the way he is trying to achieve it is wrong. He asked me if it was wrong for him to fall for someone else, or was it wrong that he acted on it? I said both, I wanted to say more, but I didn't want to lecture.
He said that he wished none of this had happened, that we could go back to the way it was before. I said me too, but not to the way it was, because it obviously wasn't working.
He agreed, he said he meant the way it was at the beginning.
I told him that along the way, we just didn't communicate properly, that I didn't understand what he needed from me and that I was sorry. I told him I realize it now, but he already is trying to get what he needs from someone else.
We hugged and went back inside. He told me that he came really close to leaving me tonight (funny, over the past 3 months he keeps insisting that he has already left me and that I should let him go - guess he didn't really mean it.)
I said I realize that, and we started talking about trivial things and laughing etc...
Then my sister in law calls me, her phone is listed under my husbands name, our own home phone is unlisted. She said that a few days ago some girl kept calling the house, saying she wasn't sure if it was the right number, but that she wanted to talk to (my name). Her number was not visible and said restricted. She left a message saying she was looking for me, but my brother in law erased it. Anyways we are both sure that it was her. Any friends or family of mine would have left their name, or contacted me through my parents etc... by now. That was also the day that he was ignoring her and saying it was 'over'. She has his cell number and work number, but doesn't know his address or our home number...
Stupid girl, she probably doesn't think I know about her, she got mad cause my H wanted to break up, so she was trying to reach me, to hurt him or thinking I would leave him once I knew the truth. Haha. Well the joke is on her, cause my sister in law is going to call my H tonight and tell him about the calls. I am sure he will be even more pissed at her for trying to threaten him etc....
(Of course I am assuming all of this, but it makes sense...besides he will assume this as well even if it wasn't her intent...)
I am SOOOO glad I haven't given in to my urge to call her, I know that it would make my H resent me. And apparantly I wouldn't have been able to appeal to her conscience anyways, since she doesn't seem to have one. If she does want to talk to me, I will be more than glad to tell her what a whore she is. Of course I will not do or say anything that she can run to H with and cry about....hahaha
We'll see what happens tonight when he finds out about her actions.
In the meantime I am going to keep on d'bing, I feel like I am sitting on the sidelines watching this unfold instead of being stuck in the middle of it. (detaching, detaching).
