So since this is not a legal separation, the L will not get involved as a written document is meaningless. She wouldhave the kids over to her apartment from time to time during this, mainly on alternating weekends. The girls are young where they need to have a parent at home to get them off the bus (next year, that is not the case). She will be there every morning to get them on the school bus. I don't have to adjust my schedule at all. This separation will require her to get up earlier, and be at the house before I leave (I am at work by 6AM so she has to be there by 5:45AM for me to get to work). She will then stay every day until I get off of work and then leave.
In the summer (if we are still S), she would have the kids during the day and I would get them in the evening after work since her part time job is through the school district, she gets any day the kids have off. She had asked during the dissolution of marriage talks if I was okay with her keeping her part time job while she got her master's. I told her that if we got divorced, that was not any of my decision on what she did since I would be required to pay spousal support for 3 years and that is it. On this separation, it is up to her as well if she wanted to get a full time job or what but that is up to her (she won't).
She is looking to buy some plates, glasses, etc that match our current set at our house and buy some cheap pans, etc. This way, if we R in the future, we just combine the stuff she already bought that matches.
We sat down yesterday after the blow up Tuesday night, and we decided to not pursue a D but to look at S and give us time and space away from each other. Limit our talks to kids only.
During this discussion, she mentioned that it seems I have been focusing too much attention on this OM. This is after I said that I have been up and down with her because I have been to focused on her and the R and not me. I was dumbfounded that she is surprised I am focused on the OM. If there was no more OM, I would not be as angry. But the fact that she has openly said she would not get rid of the OM and says stuff like I am taking a "step back" (whatever that means), I would continue to be angry and upset while in the house. This S has a lot to do with her refusal to cut off all contact with him.
My goal from this S is to be able to work on myself (found more things i need to work on and have IC focusing on that). This will allow me to have the "out of sight, out of mind" with her. She said to me about the kids and me, that maybe "absence will grow the heart fonder". She has admitted to putting up a wall around me and the children. hell, last night she admitted that she just stays in her BR to eat dinner as me and the kids eat downstairs together. She has closed up. I am hoping that her being away from the children and me, will allow her to work on herself and go through her journey and the process she needs.
And during this time, I can focus on me and my 180s to become a man a fool would want to leave. Then we can see if we can R in the following months.
She had the real big chance to file for D after Tuesday's blow up which I realized sounded controlling on how I came about it. This is a new 180 that I need to fix ASAP. She even called to schedule an appointment. We talked when she got home and that is when we decided to continue the S. It could have been a bluff but it was definitely heated. She yelled big time in front of the kids. She admitted yesterday that she had so much anger, that she wanted to hit me (she said that this was the first time she felt that being sober since most of the time she hit me, she was drinking or drunk).
