Got a life, now what?

[sandi2]

Welcome aboard Hope. I'm glad you found the courage to post. It's such a shame to see so many long term marriages going through this type of situation. I have a friend who was M almost 40 yrs and one night she got the bomb (as we call it) that he wasn't happy, didn't want to try & save it, etc. So, it's happening to many couples who have been together for many years. You'd think someone would find the perfect solution, right? Problem is......the spouse who wants out has his own free will, and usually some stubborn pride on the side. Anyway, you've come to the right place, and we'll try to help as much as we can.

Can you tell us more about your H? Has his work history been good, or has he jumped from job to job? How does he handle debt? Can you think of something that happened that could have made him turn to self medicate (drinking)? If he doesn't want anyone to know he's left the marital home, maybe he's covering something he thinks would hurt you badly. Like, for example.......a large gambling debt. You know how our men want to protect us about things of that nature. They think they'll find a way to take care of it, without the W getting upset. Any changing around at work?
Something effecting his retirement? You said you own a ranch, so does he do any work other than the ranch? Do you know if he went to see a doctor while you were gone? Has he struggled with ED issues?

I'm trying to think of what would make a H suddenly want to move out of his home. He still has emotional attachment to his W, and he wants people to see them as a perfect couple. Something is going on that he's not talking about, and it's driving him to drink more than usual. The things that come to my mind are:

1. His position at work has been replaced by a younger guy; there's been lay-offs; cut in pay; forced to retire early, etc.
2. He has acquired a huge debt and has no idea how to pay it off.
3. He has gotten himself in some serious legal trouble.
4. He has received bad news from the doctor.
5, There is another woman.

I set up an appointment with a counselor - who send me for EMDR for previous trauma (best experience of my life!).

I had to look this up, b/c I had no idea what it was. Now, I'm intrigued and will look at more after I send this post.

H said that he never knew what to talk about.

Does he have a hard time talking about his emotions? Has he ever kept things from you, b/c he didn't want you to worry?

In your opinion, does he seem angry, or does he appear to be worried? What were your arguments typically about?

The more you can share with us, the better we can see your situation. I hope you will continue to post.