My personal opinion is that I need to pick more battles with eldest rather than fewer - and not let his disrespectful behaviour towards H slide any more for the sake of some quiet. And I hope that H would be a bit less rigid and zero tolerance, let a few more things slide and give some understanding, and work more whole heartedly on showing love and trying to develop a bond again. But H is adamant he won't be seeing Eldest properly until he improves his behaviour, and Eldest is privately expressing a lot of hurt at the rejection and I can either act as go-between, which means I get all the flack, or refuse to act as go-between, which means each feels I am taking the side of the other and I still get all the flak.
I hope to be able to lay it all out from my perspective to the therapist in a couple of weeks. She may have suggestions I have not considered.
