Wow, that's a lot, no wonder you're exhausted! You did so well in articulating your feelings and also in being assertive with both of them, impressive. You are NOT responsible for fixing 3 people's issues though, no matter how complicated all the relationships are. And you don't have to choose between them, no matter how much they feel you do. I feel bad for your husband actually, dealing with a 14 year old is hard enough without those extra complications. There are so many hormones and identity and independence issues flying about already.
It sounds like you have grounds for great optimism that your husband can cope with eldest, build a better relationship with him without you getting involved, and also that he's willing to work with you on your relationship too. I think your responses were just brilliant, well done!
