Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate it. This weekend was really hard, He spent most of it away from home, I believe with her. I didn't call him once on his cell, I usually call periodically and he usually doesn't answer. Yesterday, I waited until I knew he was home before I showed up. Here is some of the conversation we had and my responses, if anyone has any ideas about a better way to handle his remarks/questions, please let me know:
He asked me if I went shopping, (that's what I usually do when he is not home), I said no and left it at that.
Then he asked me why I didn't call him. I said because you told me not to bother you and I was busy anyways.
H - Do you still want to have kids? Me - of course! I would like to have a baby. H - I wonder what it will look like, since it will no longer look like me? Me - I don't know. H - It will probably have blond hair (my old boyfriend was blond) Me - no response.
H - Do you want me to break up with OW? Me - Well, I would like a chance to work on our marriage, and I don't think we can do that unless you break up, so yes. H - Do you think that we (OW) will ever break up? Me - I don't know. Why are you asking me this? H - Don't read anything into it okay? cause we won't. Me - You mean you will never break up? H - Well, I don't know, but not now, definately not for a long time anyways. Me - No response.
He was hugging me, and I commented on how he likes to hug, he then said, yes, but not with you anymore. (even though he continued to hold me) I didn't react. Then he said he was going to miss me. I said me too.
He asked me if I had met someone else yet? I said that I already discussed my views on that so stop asking me. You don't answer my questions, so why should I answer yours? He said he was just trying to have a conversation. I said why was it so important to him that I find someone else? Did he think that it would make what he is doing with OW okay? He said yes. I said no way, he said what's the difference? I said the difference is that you betrayed me, that you are the one abandoning me. He shut up.
A pretty girl was doing martial arts on the tv, he made a comment on how he wished he could have a girlfriend like that! I didn't react.
He suggested we put on a movie, while we were watching I made some comments about it, and he got mad and said to stop talking cause he can't hear, then he said that was one of the reasons he is leaving me. I just said sorry instead of snapping back.
I asked him if he still wanted to be friends with me? He said yes, so then I said why are you deliberately saying things to hurt me? He said he wasn't doing that, he was just joking around. I said that it wasn't very funny and that he KNEW it would hurt me. He said sorry.
Later he started to get a little frisky, but then stopped and said that we shouldn't ML anymore. I said okay, if you are uncomfortable then we won't. However, 1 hour later, he asks if I want to watch an adult film with him. I said okay, of course we end up ML. He also stayed in the room instead of going back to the couch. He said that no other girl excites him like I do. Then we went to sleep. In the morning, he was sad. He told me that he missed me. I said I missed him too. Then we kissed, I was expecting just a few pecks, but he was very passionate and I returned the passion. We got ready for work. Then when he dropped me off at the station, I went to kiss him, he turned his face and only offered me his cheek. I said bye and kissed him on his cheek and left.
I am proud of the way I didn't cry even though I really wanted to. Also, I didn't fight or argue with him as much as I usually would. My first instinct was to yell at him about what he was saying, but I thought of this board and counted to ten and plastered a smile on my face.
I think that when he spends time with his slut, he convinces himself that he is better with her. But then he came home, seen that I wasn't pining away from him, or angry at him, I was just acting friendly.
He tried to get a reaction out of me with his questions/comments. I think he wanted to see if I still love him, or if I had found someone else. He was also probably mad at himself for still wanting/missing me even though he tells me that he doesn't want to be with me like that anymore.
Of course these are all assumptions that I am making from his behaviour. I am still going to continue to DB and see what happens. Patience, patience, patience.
Does anyone have any comments or suggestions on my responses?
