Eldest is 14 - and is very tricky, though in the past H has been very harsh and used humiliation, mockery and name-calling and also the silent treatment in order to contain his behaviour. And that has triggered all kinds of stuff in me, because of my history, so I've reacted in really protective ways, and it has caused a dynamic that feels utterly impossible to unpick. Though I have hope that things will gradually become unstuck, one way or another, with the family therapist who eldest did seem to take to and who I liked, and who, surprisingly, H is willing to see.
I do expect the worst, and I think my anxiety triggers some of what I fear. And I think probably eldest and H are also expecting the worst of each other. It's tense and especially scary for me given my history. It feels like space and time is the best possible thing at the moment, and me taking care of my own wounds, and getting out of the way.
H has never ever been violent towards either of the children - not at all - though as I said, I do consider some of his parenting methods (acts of desperation perhaps) to be emotionally abusive. But we will see. I will be home at 9.30pm and have promised myself I won't call and ring and check up or try to remotely manage the situation - at all - from work. Which in itself is a big 180 for me.
