It's difficult isn't it? Because our kids are part of us, but then at a certain age you have to release them and let them be less part of us. And eldest is 12 right? Not an easy age (though better than 14 in my experience, sorry).
If I was placing bets I would put money on your husband being on his best behaviour and things going better than you expect without you there. I really hope I'm right! You seem to have a lot of negative expectations of him based on past behaviour but he's shown a lot of positive signs, give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure it won't be easy for him tonight particularly if eldest is awkward or defensive, but it sounds like your husband is willing to try to do his best.
