So I posted this to Sandi in her Reflections thing. I am thinking need to have a discussion with the W about this temporary separation. I agree to a certain amoutn of money to help her with expenses. Nothing more, nothing less. She wanted to use my washer and dryer at the house since her apartment wouldn't have one. She doesn't want to use the community ones. Also, she wants to be there in the morning to get the kids on the bus. She wants to be there in the afternoon to get the kids off the bus. All this in the name of not impacting the kids what so ever. However, if we were to go straight to divorce/dissolution, then I would not let her free range to the house. It is not like I get free range to her apartment.
Do you need help with the kids? I mean I do understand you not wanting her to come and go as she pleases, but if you need help then let her help. Maybe you can establish some ground rules like other than getting the kids off in the morning and back in the afternoon she is not to stop by unexpectedly without calling or texting first. My ex was just dropping by and letting herself in nearly every day after S, I finally asked her to respect my privacy and call/text before coming by, and to knock instead of just walking in. And she did honor that.
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There are consequences for her decisions. This should be as if she was single and living by herself. As if we were divorced.
Well you can't show her the consequences, she's got to discover that on her own. I see too many LBS's cut off their nose to spite their face and in the end the LBS pays for it instead of the WAS. For example- you refuse to let her come by to "teach her a lesson" but then you end up struggling because you're showing up to work late and leaving early to deal with the kids. Meanwhile she's living it up because she doesn't have to deal with the kids in the morning and afternoon. So your plan backfires, it ends up hurting you and doing nothing to teach her a lesson. So like we always say, do what is right for YOU and the kids. Don't do something to hurt or punish your W or "open her eyes". That will happen to her naturally as a result of S and D. At first she'll enjoy her single life, but eventually she'll realize the grass isn't greener and then she may learn to miss you.
