Lost

[Jac12]

Hi All, thought I'd give an update:

I've been doing well with GAL and giving my W some space over the past few weeks. Things were seemingly getting better as she was saying the odd thing that seemed to suggest some softening on her part. She was also texting me just about every day. When we saw each other it was very friendly and everytime she left she'd give me a hug.

She mentioned she was liking her condo but was sad that she didnt' get to see our son often.

She started IC and has been twice.

This past week her dad took a turn for the worse and is now living out his final days in a hospice. I came back early from a work trip so I could help out and be with our family. She really appreciated this.

Now the negative. I was snooping. I was logging into her instagram to check in on her. I thought it would help me understand her more (she was saving posts of sadness and liking posts about depression) I wasn't checking in to see about an affair as I don't think that's what has been going on. I've just felt so stressed about our family falling apart and it kind of became addictive. Anyways, I told her that I've been checking her instagram and that I didn't want to lie to her as we've never lied to each other in the past. She said:"It just [censored] because it makes it harder moving forward. I felt like I've been making positive changes and now it's just two steps back".

As of now, things are better and ever so slowly moving in the right direction. She is dealing with her dad's situation much better as reality has set in. Bottom line is DO NOT SNOOP - you may feel it helps you in the short term but I guarantee it will bite you in the ass down the road. I think we will get through this as my wife has made her mistakes during this too but it definitely doesn't help the situtation. I think she's been grieving her dad's death for the past year and it really messed her up and affected her ability to be emotionally available to others, including me and my son. Depression is likely a part of it and I will be patient as she works through this.

Also - I think it has been helping that since she moved out I gave her a lot of space and didn't contact her but still showed her in other ways that I cared about her and her well-being.

Thank you for all your advice. I hope it continues to get better.