I wonder if it is worth practicing this in your IC?
What would a truthful, but non-blaming statement that allows you to be authentic and get the support and acknowledgement you want look like? Maybe imagining the words without having to make a decision if you say them or not would help here.
'DH has decided he wants to live in a flat for a while. He's very stressed at work at the moment and the space is of benefit to both of us. We haven't discussed if this is permanent yet.'
It is worth thinking about the balance between wanting to be loyal and respect your H's privacy and leave the door open to a future R and enabling him to treat you badly and leave the awkward social consequences of the separation at your door and so depriving yourself of the support and close authentic friendship you want or need.
'You'd have to ask H about that. He is living elsewhere for the time being and I am not sure what his plans are,' would be assertive, I think?
I have to be careful myself not to let these practical things turn into anger at H. I have a work thing to book, and I need to travel - it isn't until October but I need to confirm and book soon and I have been putting it off because I don't know what sort of childcare I need, what the picture will be with my living arrangements then, or anything. When I feel pressured about it I can get angry with H, but actually, he probably doesn't know any of the answers to give to me and can't make clear decisions right now either.
Limbo is a hard place to be, and it feels a little less hard when I realise this is the situation I am in, rather than something H is actively doing to me.
I have spoken to very very few people about the situation as I am not sure I am capable of phrasing the sentence in a way that doesn't blame H or make him out to be the bad guy - so I am holding my peace for the time being.
